There’s never really malice or harm intended in some of the things people say to you.
In fact, a lot of times, they say it because they feel really comfortable to say anything to you. I guess that should be flattering.
I stutter. It’s not like a heavy stutter… more like stumbling over words. I stutter a heckuva lot more when I speak Korean, which accompanies snickering and giggling. Thanks guys.
Sometimes, I feel like I may be a dyslexic speaker, because the words don’t come out in the order they were in my head. It drives my wife crazy. Crazy.
And it doesn’t really have to do with nervousness. It just has to do with finding the right combination of words floating in my mind… and sometimes they don’t come out quick enough or the right ones don’t come out.
And on Sunday mornings, it would make so much sense to write everything down that I say. May I should really start doing so and perhaps it has to do with ego that I don’t. But, I like to not be restrained to “reading” something. Even when I read the passage for Sunday morning, I almost am tempted to “tell” the passage than read it. But I don’t, because I get nervous that I won’t say it word for word or leave out a key word…
And with prayers, I’ve always felt at home letting the words come to me than writing them down the day before and reading it out loud.
So yesterday, after the third and final Easter Worship, I was on my way out, when someone (that I didn’t know) stopped me and said, “I really enjoyed your sermon a couple of weeks back. I just wanted to ask you something. Were you nervous today?”
“No… I wasn’t really nervous.”
“Oh, okay. No, I was just curious because you were stumbling over your words today and I thought maybe it was nerves.”
“Oh… yea. Er.. well.. uh… yea” (and hence triggered my stumbling and stuttering) “sorry about that, but… uh… thanks for letting me know.”
More than get annoyed or upset, I think perhaps, I really need to (humbly) visit this idea of writing down the morning prayers and anything else that I might be needed to say in Sunday worship. I don’t want to look like a bumbling idiot or someone who is woefully underprepared. Because that’s not the case. I just stumble and stutter over my words… and at times, even when I’m reading something.
On the bright side, he could’ve been real mean or just plainly critical with what he was going to say.
But that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes, church people say the darndest things.