Category Archives: Life

I Have The Body of a Victoria Secret Angel

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Well, not really. Actually, far from it.
I just wanted your attention. Ha.

Recently, Kylie Bisutti was back in the press.
A while back, she made a small splash when she said that she was going to quit being a Victoria Secret model due to her faith.
She’s back in the news because she’s now coming out with a new book, I’m No Angel. (Victoria  Secret has come out and said that Kylie was never a Victoria Secret Angel and that a lot of her stories are fabricated. She won an online model competition held by VS and that was the only association that VS claims to have had with Kylie).

Kylie said that more than being a lingerie model, she felt the need to be a Proverbs 31 wife. I’ve heard that phrase, or title, quite often recently and I was a bit embarrassed that I didn’t know what they meant when they said Proverbs 31 wife. So I looked it up and saw that there was a section called “The Competent Wife” (Common English Bible). Funnily enough, there isn’t a proverb section called “The Competent Husband.” But maybe you don’t need to be a competent husband when you have 700 wives and 300 concubines. Or  if you’re the one writing the Proverbs, or something.

When I first heard this story — before she was coming out with the book and made national headlines — I have to admit, my initial reaction was an eye-roll. Like c’mon. Stop trying to be all holier-than-thou when this was the career that you were pursuing. Or just quit, without letting the world know.

But now, I commend her for standing up for who she believes she is. For not bending her morals for a paycheck.

Which made me entertain the idea that I have a rather divided self.
There’s the Christian/Pastor side of me. Then there’s Me. The crazy thing is I almost typed “the Real Me.” Which is just mind bogglingly boggling. (That reminds me. One of my first blogs was called Mind Bloggling. I thought I was so clever…)

I always thought it was naive for Christians to question the type of media that I (and other Christians) would engage in.
I’d roll my eyes or scoff when Christians would question my reading certain books (like Harry Potter… oooh wizardly magic) or listen to certain type of music (recently, someone in my office saw a book of poems by Tupac Shakur. They asked who that was, and I just responded, “It’s a modern theologian and poet” and left it at that) or watching certain movies and TV shows.

While I judge them to be super naive — I have to say that I admire their resolve to not compromise their beliefs. That they feel so strongly about God and faith that they are willing to put aside the immense popularity of a British boy who discovers he is a wizard.
But while I judge you, I ask that you won’t judge my indulgences. (Ha.)

Paul writes, twice, in 1 Corinthians, “Everything is permitted, but everything isn’t beneficial. Everything is permitted, but everything doesn’t build others up.”

Yea, I have the right to do everything and anything I want to — it’s a free country as they say.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is beneficial. And not everything doesn’t build up others. Nor does it build me up.

Over the past few years, my theology has grown and, yes, evolved.
I think that’s great. And necessary in my journey.
But — I also noticed that there is a shift in thought of how I approach faithful living. I’ve become more laxed in my approach to faith and spirituality. Does it have to do with my growth in theology? I don’t know. I don’t think so. But, it’s almost like, because I know more, I do less. 

When I went back to Hawaii recently, I got to see the things that my former youth kids were doing in their faith journey. Their dedication to spiritual disciplines. Early morning prayers every Saturday. Prayer meetings. “Rogue” Bible study meetings. (Where they just get together for bible study — but not really part of the “official” church ministry. My definition) And these were kids.

I got to see the things that my brother’s church were doing, in regards to their spiritual growth and formation.
While I may not completely agree with their approach — that almost makes me feel like they’re isolating themselves from the world — there’s something that feels right about their pursuit of spiritual disciplines and moral inflexibility. Something I sort of lack.

And I don’t like where this road that I’m currently on may be leading. 

When I was struggling with this, I ran across this blog post by Dan Dick (an excerpt from that post):

In a third setting, I advised the Trustees, Staff Parish Relations Committee, Church Council and Lay Leader join the pastor in a solid month of daily prayer and reflection on God’s will for the congregation.  I received a phone call the next morning from the pastor who told me, “You really blew your credibility with my key leaders last night.  We called you for your expertise in planning and you offered a bunch of fluffy hocus-pocus instead of practical ideas.”  When a pastoral leader accepts “fluffy hocus-pocus” as an uncontested definition of prayer, we are in deep trouble.

I don’t want to be in that kind of deep trouble.

But one can only compromise so much before losing their identity. And I think one ends up to a place where prayer seems like “fluffy hocus-pocus” through lots of compromising; by indulging in permitted, but un-beneficial, acts so much so that we end up forgetting who we are and, and even more important, whose we are. Sort of like giving up a birthright.
Esau is easy to make fun of, because he gave up his birthright for a bowl of soup.
But, c’mon. He’s not the only one who compromised their birthright — their identity — for fleeting moments of temptation.

Kylie Bisutti basically said, “This is who I am. This is what I believe. And doing that will compromise all of this.“
Many may not understand. I didn’t at first. And maybe I still don’t. After all, I could easily rationalize and justify it saying that it’s just a ‘job’; a means to an end; a guy’s gotta eat.

But, I do find it admirable that someone was able to stand up for what they believe in. (Without telling anyone else that they are an abomination and going to hell and yada, yada.)

I Asked For Wonder

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MagicalWorld

I recently started reading a book of writings by Abraham Joshua Heschel entitled, “I Asked For Wonder.” Samuel Dresner, the person who compiled the writings and wrote the intro, wrote about a conversation he had with Heschel after Heschel suffered a near fatal heart attack.

“Sam,” he said, “when I regained consciousness, my first feelings were not of despair or anger. I felt only gratitude to God for my life, for every moment I had lived. I was ready to depart. ‘Take me, O Lord,’ I thought, ‘I have seen so many miracles in my lifetime.’”

Exhausted by the effort, he paused for a moment, then added: “That is what I meant when I wrote [in the preface to his book of Yiddish poems]: ‘I did not ask for success; I asked for wonder. And you gave it to me.’”

I had to pause a little bit and ponder that phrase: “I did not ask for success; I asked for wonder.”

I recently finished another book by a different Rabbi and was so inspired by it, it’s going to be the main resource for my next sermon series about Jacob’s Ladder. In that book, there’s a story about two Israelites who were walking on the ground of the Red Sea that was split by God to escape the Egyptians. But all these two Israelites could see was the muddy ground that made it difficult to walk. They complained and complained about the muddiness of the ground that they failed to see the wonder of the miraculous thing that was happening around them. They were walking on the ground of the Red Sea — an option that was non-existent just a moment before! If they would’ve looked up, they would’ve seen the the wall of water at either side! They missed the wonder. They failed to see the miracle.

The other day, while both the Red Sea story and Heschel’s “I asked for wonder” quote was simmering in my head and heart, one of my parishioners came over to graciously help with something in the parsonage. He brought his son with him and when I asked if I could help with anything, he simply asked that I keep his son occupied and away from the tools — which I was more than happy (and capable) of doing. So while he went to work, I took his son to the park across the street from the parsonage.

While we were playing, he heard the garbage truck. He stopped in his tracks, tilted his head and asked, “Truck?”

“Yea, dude. It’s a truck.”

We walked to the sidewalk to see if we can actually see the truck. And lo and behold, there it was! A garbage truck!

“Garbage truck!”

“Yea, buddy. It’s a garbage truck.”

The truck pulled up right in front of us and stopped to collect the trash bins on the curbs.

The kid stood still with eyes wide open, mouth slightly ajar, silently staring at this garbage truck. It’s the longest I’ve looked at a garbage truck that I could remember.

Once in a while, he’ll look over, eyes sparkling, and say with excitement: “Garbage truck!”

I mean, a garbage truck isn’t something I’d pay any special attention to. I wouldn’t hesitate or think twice about passing by a garbage truck if it was stopped in the street doing its business. In fact, if anything, I think I try to avoid garbage truck.

But here was this boy, in awe of this truck.

He looked at it with such wonder.

That’s when it struck me: Is that what I’m missing in my life? That I’ve grown up and now understand how the world works and probably a little jaded with certain aspects of the world, so much so that I can’t look at normal, regular, ordinary, everyday things with wonder?

Am I becoming (have I become?) like those two Israelites so consumed with complaints that I’m missing the miracles and wonders that surrounds me?

And there’s this really adorable video with a 3 year old about to ride the train for the first time.

I don’t think I can remember when I was that geninuely awed and wonderstruck by something so… mundane and… normal and… ordinary.

There truly is something really precious about the innocence of a child and the child-like curiosity and wonder of how everything works because everything seems so new and magical and wonderful.

But, the wonder and magic of it all sort of fades as we grow, doesn’t it? Because as we grow, we learn. We start knowing how things work. And when we know how things work and operate, the wonder of it all (most of the times) fades. It’s like that famous scene from that famous movie: “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.” Once it was discovered that Oz was just a man behind a curtain, well Oz wasn’t really Oz anymore, was he?

Now, I know that I live in a world filled with miraculous and wondrous things. But, I don’t think I take time to recognize it. Or acknowledge it. Or even just simply live in it. Instead, I think a lot of times, I (and many others) choose stare at the ground that we have to walk on and wonder why it’s so muddy and difficult to walk.

The (great) comic strip of Calvin and Hobbes ended it’s run with Calvin saying to Hobbes, “It’s a magical world, Hobbes ‘ol buddy… Let’s go exploring!”

Yes. It is a magical and wonderful world. I guess it’s really up to us to choose what to ponder on and wonder about.

We can choose to look at the muddy ground and wonder why we have to walk through such difficult conditions. Or, we can choose to look up and see the miraculous sights that surround us… and be in wonder.

I hope you and I choose to do the latter.

May you ask for wonder, and may God give it you!

What’s In A Name? Even if it is Blatantly Racist…?

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Starting today, the Washington Redskins will once again be fighting for the rights to keep their nickname.

Now, while I bleed burgundy and gold, I’ve always wondered how the Redskins have successfully kept their nicknames when it’s… well, it’s racist.

Redskins GM, Bruce Allen, basically said that the organization isn’t trying to upset anyone and that it is “ludicrous” for people to think that they are trying to upset people.

But, c’mon. Even as a die-hard Redskins fan, it is (at the least, a bit) racist. And offensive. I mean, if we were to add any other color… more people would flip. Right? Washington WhiteSkins? Washington Blackskins? Washington Yellowskins? Washington Brownskins? Washington Redskins — oh, right.

I guess what gets me is the reasoning. “We’re not purposefully offending someone. It’s not our fault if they get offended by something we mean no offense by.” That, to me, is a cop out.

Of course, it happens to us (the Asians) a lot. Or, more truthfully, I think it happens a lot because I’m more aware of the racist gestures towards Asian in the media…

Like the Spanish national basketball team:

Or Miley Cyrus and Friends:

Or the Duke Fraternity party:

Or the Chicago Cubs (for the player Fukudome):

The problem that I have with those things is, when people complained, the response was basically, “What? We didn’t think it was offensive. I don’t know why you would find it offensive. I guess we’re sorry that you’re offended. But we did it because it was funny. Sorry… I guess.”

Case in point: There was (is?) a restaurant in the North East called “Chink’s Steak.” Naturally, some Asians got offended by such a name and registered complaints. In an interview, the owner of Chink’s (who’s white) said (and I paraphrase):

“It’s not racist. It’s a nickname that my friends gave me as a kid. I had small eyes growing up, so they called me Chink.”

Yea… The origin of the nickname’s a bit racist. Not gonna lie…

Which is basically what the Redskins are saying.

“We never thought of it as being racist or offensive. That’s probably because we’re not Native American, but that’s besides the point. You shouldn’t be offended by it, because our purpose is not to offend. Besides, we could lose tons of money if we were to change our names. Don’t you know what happened with the NBA teams? The Bullets became the Wizards. The Wizards! How lame of a name is that? And the Hornets? They’re going to be the Pelicans! We want to avoid that, so don’t be offended, cuz we ain’t trying to offend.”

Yes, I believe we live in a hypersensitive culture that overreacts over every small thing.

But yet, there are good reasons why we shouldn’t use certain words to demean and belittle other folks, like “gay” or another slur for that. Or “retard.” Or use any racial slurs to describe people. Like Chink. (Take note, Papa Johns and Starbucks. Oh, and Chic-Fil-A.)

Here’s one Redskins fan who hopes that the people win this time around. I don’t care what the Redskins are called, I’d still root for them, I’d still bleed their colors if they were to change it, and I’d still loathe the Cowboys no matter what happens. And believe me, the team formerly known as the Redskins will still make a tons of money. If the Wizards, Thunder, Heat, Jazz, and yes, the Pelicans can (still) make money, whatever the new team name is, they won’t have to worry.

Being On Top of the Mountain

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On our last hiking trek that my wife and I engaged in on our regular trail, Inspiration Point, I realized that I have an anxiety problem.

I mean, I knew I always had one. It was one of the blaring and glaring reasons why I failed my ordination interviews in 2010. I got nervous. I got anxious. And I couldn’t hold it in (on top of that, I had caffeine coursing through my veins. Not the best mix of things). So I was going 1000 mph, all the while being a spazz. It was a wreck.

Unfortunately, the BOOM thought that I had ADHD and “strongly recommended” that I go see a psychologist, therapist, or a counselor to help me deal with these “issues.” (The last quotation marks are for sarcastic purposes.)

Look, I know I don’t have ADHD. And I think it was wrong for the BOOM to so strongly think that I had ADHD without any previous contact and/or conversation with me. Perhaps their resident “psychologist” wanted to exert his/her presence on the board. I don’t know. But don’t they realize how intimidating the whole interview process is and can be? And that nerves can, unfortunately, take over a Candidate, so much so that they can’t sit still or give straight answers? You’re sitting in front of a group of “colleagues,” some who you have never met before, who have this strange authority and power over the course of your career for the next few years. And in the end, it’s strange that I went through all that for a “piece of paper” that certifies that I am ordained, when in my heart of hearts, in the deepest corners of my soul, mind, and being I just know that God has called me into a life of full-time ministry. I don’t need a piece of paper or a group of people or the Bishop to tell me otherwise. In the big picture of things, it’s just a piece of paper and nothing more. Perhaps a piece of paper some of us felt we had to sell our soul for. I kid, I kid.

What I do know, or more accurately, how I feel, is that the BOOM tosses around the recommendation to seek professional help/counseling as much and as often as a good Korean boy craves rice and kimchi (just in case you don’t get the reference: a lot). Sometimes, it just seems like a go-to response to the ordination candidate. You know, like when a good friend is pouring out his/her heart to you and it’s filled so much anguish and pain and you don’t know what to say or how to phrase words to help your friend in need. But you feel the need to respond, because at this point silence doesn’t seem like the best answer. You search deep in your heart to find words to say to let you know that you’re with this person — although you can’t really imagine what the struggle really feels like. After searching for words, you just come back to the one phrase that you’ve told people throughout your life: “I’ll pray for you.” Even if they’re not Christian, “Look, I know that you don’t believe in God, but hey, man. I’ll pray for you.” (Which, if we’re not careful, can be as offensive as “Go see a counselor because we don’t think you’re completely healthy.”)

After each phase of my candidacy process whether I passed or failed were continued, it always ended with the recommendation to go seek a spiritual director, a counselor, or a psychologist. Most of the time without a reason why. “Just go see one for the sake of seeing one”, it felt like. “We feel like you’re on the right track in your calling and it is obvious that God is doing great things in your church and in your youth ministry. We, feel, that you can benefit from seeking a counselor or a spiritual counselor as you continue your ministry.”

It can be as generic as “I’ll pray for you” can be, at times. Like a one-size-fits-all cure. Until, I passed and became a full member of the Cal-Pac Conference. There was no mention of seeking a counselor of any kind. Which made me kind of curious. I guess I don’t need one after going through all the hoops I had to go through? I would think, after feeling like a good trained seal, who can bark and jump through hoops on command, at Sea World, now would be a good time to go seek a counselor to deal with all the emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual stress brought on by the process and dealing with the BOOM and also the emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual stress that we will accumlate as we engage in ministry and with God’s people.And funnily enough, when an opportunity came up for me to have a spiritual director recently, I signed up.

So the Board was concerned that I was dealing (struggling? battling?) with ADHD and recommended that I go seek help to deal with such issues. So, I did. I asked my health provider to provide a psychologist for me so that I can prove to the BOOM that they had no idea what in the hell they were talking about.

I met with my doctor. I gave him the letter that the Board gave me about the recommendation. Within the first 15 minutes of our conversation, and to my relief, the doctor said, “Look. I don’t even have to any tests to know that you don’t have ADHD. And in my professional opinion, it was very unprofessional for this ‘Board’ to suggest that you even have it. What qualifications do they have? It’s rather irresponsible. At your age, you would be dealing with ADD, not ADHD, because with ADHD you would’ve been diagnosed much earlier in your life. Not in your 30′s. So, you don’t have to worry about that.”

But what we did talk about was how I deal with anxiety. And I totally agreed with him there. I don’t think I handle anxiety very well. As much as I want nerves of steel or ice cold water running through my veins, I think when I’m nervous or anxious, I have a hard time hiding it. We spent most of our sessions aftewards talking about anxiety issues.

So there I was, almost at the top of the hike, almost to Inspiration Point (which, even though I’ve seen it dozens of time, it doesn’t fail to inspire me each time I’m at the top. It’s a beautiful site).

I was sick that week, so the hike was harder than usual. I called upon Jesus’ name many, many times in between hacking, wheezing, and coughing.

As soon as I neared the top, my mind instantly went to what I must do when I get back down. Sermon prep. Bible study prep. Do I have any meetings tomorrow? Am I forgetting something? Did I send in the newsletter thing? I must be forgetting something. I forget something all the time. What was I gonna blog on? Did I have something to do for my parents? How long is it going to take to get down? Did I pay all the bills?

I was sitting on a rock at the top of the hill, trying not to cough out my lungs, and instead of being focused on the amazing sight in front of me, I was consumed with figuring what’s next on my to-do list.

Out of nowhere, Rob Bell’s Everything is Spiritual started playing in my head. In the video, there’s a part where he talks about Moses climbing to mountain and where God commanded Moses to be on top of that mountain and how that’s a brilliant commmand. Because, Moses would’ve exerted all his strength and energy walking up the mountain, that when he arrived on top of the mountain, he’ll just start planning his trek down. And God wanted to Moses to be on top of the mountain. Just be. Don’t think. Don’t plan ahead. Don’t think about the trip down. Just be on top of the mountain. With God. In the moment. Be fully present in the here and the now.

And that’s what I really struggle with. And, unfortunately, sometimes it shows in the way I interact with people.

I know that I have an hour before my next engagement, as I’m talking to this person in front of me. I don’t like to be late. So, I’m calculating how long it’ll take me to drive to the next place, factoring in traffic. This person has approximately 25 minutes in our conversation to give me a safe cushion for the next appointment. But, as this person or group goes over the allotted 25 minutes and the time gets closer for the next appointment, I start getting antsy and fidgety and I can’t help but play that mental game of — okay, if I walk out with them, I won’t be late. All the while, I’m engaging in conversation with this person or group of persons.

I don’t like that about me. For no good or real reason, I’m always a step ahead in my head, thinking about what’s up next, what lies ahead in the week — causing me to miss out what’s going on right here, right now.

Who knows how many burning bushes I’ve walked by because I’m paying attention to nothing around me that is in the here and now. Instead, my head’s in the cloud somewhere, somehow. Which is good — but totally counterproductive if I’m in the clouds all the time, missing out on the things that are happening on ground-level.

It’s something that this hike has helped me recognize. Now that I know it, I just need to deal with it. Work on it. Get better. More attentive. More present. Aware of the here and now.

There is a time to think ahead, to plan ahead, to dream– day dream even, to vision. But what I can’t do is spend all my time doing those things.

There are more times where I need to engage, to be present fully, to minister, to be ministered to, to enjoy, to love, to live… to, simply put, be on top of the mountain, and nothing more and nothing less.

I’m Not a Boy, Not Yet a Man

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Okay, that was a horrible title for this post.
I thought that song was corny as heck when Britney Spears “sang” “I’m not a girl not yet a woman.” (Yes, that was a snarky commentary on Ms. Spears’ “singing” ability. Oops, I did it again.)

Anyway, we returned safely from a week stay at Hawaii, the first time I’ve been back since we moved out 5 years ago.
A lot has changed.
A lot has remained the same.

Throughout the week, there were many moments that reiterated the fact that time only moves in one direction.
I’m no longer the 16 year old that moved from Santa Barbara to Hawaii. Instead, I am the 32 year old that is visiting Hawaii from Santa Barbara.

Of course, through this decade there have been incidents that made me aware I’m getting older.
Me: It’s like… you know, Chandler Bing.
Youth: … who’s Chandler Bing?
Me:… Friends? The show? You know, Monica, Ross, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler?
Youth: … hmmm… I think my mom used to watch that or something…
Me: … go away.

Or during a hike while we were in Hawaii:
Student: Do you know any students still at your high school?
Me: No. Kid, it’s been 12 years since I graduated high school.
Student: …. wow. That’s… like a whole education cycle!
Me: … Thanks. Go away.

I got to meet up with a lot of my friends from high school. We got together for dinner at someone’s house, like we’ve done many of times before.
Except this time, instead of meeting at someone’s parents’ house. We met at one of my friend’s place.
And, my friends brought their kids.
So there I was, meeting all of my friends’ kids for the first time. Playing with them. Realizing, all the married couples have kids.
It was a surreal moment, considering 10 years ago, this gathering would’ve looked drastically different. My friends have kids! A few of them have more than 1.
But here we were. As grown ups. Talking about grown up things. Far removed from the gossips of high school drama.

On top of that, the purpose of this trip was for my brother’s wedding. I got to witness my brother, who’s 7 years younger, get married. My kid brother getting married… that was surreal, too, as I watched him and his, now, wife exchange their vows.

It was great seeing all my friends and the people who we left behind in Hawaii.
It was great eating all the great food we have missed.
It’s great to call a place like Hawaii my hometown — even though I moved there when I was 16. It’s the friends that I have gained and the people I have met in Hawaii that I can easily call Hawaii “home.”

Someone said that “Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.”

But it’s nice to know that I’m doing a little bit of both.

… I think…

You Didn’t Build That

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That phrase caused a lot of heat for President Obama.
Of course, many just took that one sentence of his entire speech and took it out of context and blew it out of proportion. And of course, there was a better way to phrase what Obama was trying to get at.
But I’m not here to debate and argue about politics. Surely, we got better things to do.

I used to check out youtube trends for youth ministry purposes. The website shows what videos are trending for the day and so I could keep up with what a lot of my kids would be watching. Of course, it didn’t take long until I started enjoying all the daily trending videos. As for many things in youth ministry, what started out as research turned into a (guilty) pleasure. It’s one of the “few” sites I visit everyday, along with the Awesomer.

One of the videos that were trending the past week was this (it’s about 3 minutes long): 

After watching the video, the first thing that came to mind was the “You didn’t build that” phrase.
And that’s because I believe that they’re always people who helped you along the way.
For Steve Harvey, when he was 26 and broke, that couple took him in and helped him out as he try to launch his standup career. And I’m sure that couple weren’t the only ones in Steve’s life who helped him along. That’s why I fully believe that success isn’t fully because of your own doing. It’s also because, a lot of times, luck has a major role in success stories.  But more because people have helped you along the way.

And for us to think that we got to the top on our own? That just might be a result from us being too self-involved or egotistical or refusing to give credit, because we feel there’s no credit due.

I heard someone say, “I’m my own man! I did this for myself! Ain’t no one there to help me!”
But I am a firm, firm believer that there’s someone always there that helped you.
That challenged you.
That pushed you to see a bigger picture of yourself.
That someone took time to invest in you. To believe in you.

Perhaps, it’s because my parents placed in me the importance of interdependence over independence.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “it takes a village to raise a child.”
It also, in my opinion, takes a village to make someone successful.

I think we often miss out seeing or acknowledging the village that helped us be who we are, because we don’t look in the right places.
Maybe when we think of someone helping us out, we think of someone gifting us with money. Since no one gave me money, no one helped me out.
Or maybe because we take them for granted. Or we remember how much they made life harder for us. Like parents. Always there, so easy to take them for granted. And good parents enforced discipline, so we remember parents making us do something we never wanted to do or we remember the times that we got punished over the reasons why those punishments occurred.
Or maybe because we don’t want certain people take credit for what we’ve accomplished, because if we were to give credit, we may be made to feel obligated to return the favor or something. I don’t know.

I just know that I believe that I am not my “own man” but I’m a result of all the clouds of witnesses that God had placed in my life.
I’m a result of people’s investment in me. Many people went out of their way to pour their time, life and love into me.

And I’m fairly positive that your story is no different.

Take time today to thank God for the people in your life who’ve helped you along your journey.
If they are still with us, you should give them a little shout out today.

Be Patient. God Knows What God’s Doing.

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Santa Barbara, looking east from above Santa B...

Some time in 2012, I knew that my time at my former church was coming to a close. I was sure of it, because my DS (District Superintendent) had told me so. I wasn’t in any trouble (that I know of) but, outside of what she had informed me, I also knew in my heart that a time of transition was coming. To where? I had no idea. The DS told me that she couldn’t say anything but to be in prayer and know that there is a plan.

So, I remained in prayer and tried to form my own plan, naturally.
I had it in me that I wanted to return to the Korean church. I had been (am still) so critical of the Korean church. It was time to shut up and put my money where my mouth is. I couldn’t help but think of the parable of the Prodigal Son, where I was playing the part of the son returning home — the Korean church. But instead of the father running towards with open arms ready to embrace and kiss me, I envisioned running towards, as Jesus put it, weeping and gnashing of teeth. I kid. Well, sort of. And yes, I realize how egotistical it was of me to think that way.

And then — a position at a Korean church opened. I thought that this was more than a coincidence. Intern Dae once asked, “Do you think you could ever go back to a Korean church?” At that time, I answered, “If I ever were to go back to the Korean church, I’d like it to be at [the Korean church mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph]. It’s never going to happen, though. I don’t think that pastor’s leaving any time soon.”

So, I figured this was God’s way of telling me that I may have to, for lack of a better
cliche´, put my money where my mouth is.

So I contacted the pastor. He wanted to meet. I drove out to meet him. We talked. I got excited. He got excited — except that the position I wanted was being filled, but they were looking for a college pastor and would I be interested. I always wanted to try college ministry, so I said yes. Then he told me to come to the church and meet with the SPRC.
So my wife and I drove to the church to see what the church was like. Secretly, I went there ready to say ‘yes.’ I figured, this was what God wanted me to do. All the door seemingly just opened.

Only, after the meeting and the tour of the church, something in my heart nagged at me saying, “What are you doing?”
That inner dialogue was echoed by my wife, “I don’t think this would be a good place for us.”
But something within me really wanted this to happen. I really thought this place would be the next chapter in my life. However, there was enough hesitation and resistance (something I didn’t expect) within me to realize that I needed to figure out what was going on and pray on it.

After much prayer, and many conversations with trusted friends and family, it was what my wife said. She wondered if I was trying to force my way into this church, for whatever reasons because it was me that initiated everything from day 1. I was letting the DS know what was going on, instead of waiting for the Cabinet. And I realized, perhaps, this was a good time to not be so proactive, but a good time to wait. To pray. And to trust.

So, I told the pastor of the Korean church that I couldn’t go.
I told the DS that I would pray for the Cabinet and be patient as I possibly could, sort of apologizing for hijacking the whole process.

After what felt like years, I was told that an introductory meeting was set up for me in Santa Barbara.
My initial reaction?
“Oh. Santa Barbara? Okay… Well. Yea. Thanks.”
I wasn’t too thrilled. I was paying attention to the possible appointments, and I secretly hoped that Santa Barbara wasn’t one of the places. Why? Because we lived there when I was in jr. high to early high school. I just wasn’t excited.
But, I wasn’t going to refuse this introduction meeting.

So my wife and I drove north to Santa Barbara. I was a bit apprehensive and went to the meeting expecting the worst. I just didn’t think I’d be a good fit for the church and for Santa Barbara.

But. As soon as I sat down. There was a strange warming in my heart. I wish I was making that up. I’m not saying that to be a good Methodist. There really was a strange warming within my heart. And everything felt …. right. 

After the meeting, the wife and I drove to State street to have dinner. We talked about the meeting and she asked, “What did you think?”
I told her that I think that this was it.
I also shared with her, had I felt any inkling of what I feel now for the Korean church, I would’ve jumped at the chance. But, I knew that I had dodged a bullet going to that Korean church. I’m not saying that the Korean church was a bad church or whatever. But, I knew that I would’ve made a huge mistake if I had gone to that church. Consider that my Tarsus, if you will.
I honestly think, the outcome would have been that both the church and I go our separate ways, both damaged, hurt and scarred.

Of course, that Korean church brought in great people for their ministry, which I think is a great fit for them.
And God brought me to Santa Barbara.
I am 100% certain of that. And, honestly, I’m glad that I’m 100% certain of that, because it’s that knowledge and faith that will pull me through when we encounter uncertainty in the process of ministry. And, I know that this is a great fit for both church and myself.

I have no idea what God intends to do with me and St. Mark UMC. But, I know that it’s going to be something great and amazing. And, there’s no other option, because God is involved — especially if we continue to have God lead us, instead of us dictating God.

There are so many times in my life where I just want things to happen on my time, in my way. More often than not, I want to say, “God, this is what I’m going to do. Please bless it.” And move on forward.

But I need to continually remind myself that God knows what he’s doing.
And, more importantly, that I’m not God.

While there are times where I need to be active in my faith and not just sit around and wait for things to happen, there are times where I need to be patient, wait, discern and pray that God’s will be mine, not the other way around.

I think it’s more than fair to say, life is a bit more manageable and makes a little bit more sense when we live out God’s will for us.

 

The New Year

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Happy New Year 2013

So, 2012 is about to be over. (Where does the time go?)
And it’s the time of the year where people start making their New Year’s resolutions. Usually in the matters of eating and exercising.
I read a study that claimed that 80% of people’s resolution don’t last through January.

A lot of it has to do with the person making the resolution not asking to be held accountable. When we share resolutions, it’s a matter-of-fact, this is what I’m gonna do type of sharing. Rarely, has anyone said to me (or have I said), “This is my resolution, and I’m telling you because I want you to hold me accountable.” Being held accountable is hard work. Shoot, holding someone accountable is hard work, too.

So resolutions are made. And broken. Then forgotten. Until the last week of December rolls around.

I am not immune to this, either. I’ve been thinking about resolutions that I need to make — for a better, happier, more meaningful and productive life.

In the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve been “researching” the effects of being a morning person. It all started with this blogpost from Michael Hyatt about making one’s self into a morning person.
There seems to be a correlation with being a morning person and being successful. Many, if not most, CEO’s seem to be morning people. The pastors that I read and …uh… “idolize” (ha!) all seem to be morning people, too.
Shoot, Jesus appeared to be a morning person, too. But I think everyone in that time were “morning people.”

I never thought of myself as a morning person. But, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get more things accomplished in the morning. And, I was taking to heart the tips that Michael Hyatt was giving on becoming a morning person (the first being — change your story. Quit saying that you’re not a morning person, etc).

But in the midst of thinking and pondering, it hit me. Yes, becoming a morning person might be helpful, but it’s what I need to do with the time I have, being intentionally productive.

What it really comes down to is just not goof around so much. I spend way too much time watching TV, surfing the web (with no purpose), playing games (letterpress on the iOS has become my new obsession. I can’t get enough of it. And I love beating people. Hands down, the best $.99 I spent this year– it’s free, unless you want to play more than 2 games at a time. Which I do. I have about 15 games going at once. And usually win 12 of them. Go check it out. Then get it. Then find me on game center, I think my username is itssuperjoey, and then be frustrated as I beat you.)

I could spend a little less time doing things that aren’t so productive, and spend a little more time doing something that is productive and helpful. Don’t get me wrong — being mindless is important and good for you, I believe. But too much of one thing is never really good.

I think my trying to become a morning person will be for naught if I am not intentionally productive in the new found hours of the day (which is very plausible in my case).

So. My new year’s resolution is to become more productive. And try to become a morning person.

Here’s hoping that I last longer than January. And no, I don’t think I really want you to hold me accountable ;) .

What are your resolutions for 2013?

In Where Grace Trumps Theology

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There are moments in my life where I wish I was desperately intelligent and eloquent. Especially when I’m involved in debates.
In spoken conversations, I usually respond by stumbling over my words and can’t pronounce words correctly. There have been many times when the “L” sound is replaced with the “R” sound (i.e. “really” becomes “rearry” or in a sermon, instead of saying “children” I said, “chirdren”) — never intentional. 20+ years in this country, on top of that, my Korean is fading away – and I still, still have issues with my L’s and R’s (and many other aspects of the English language).

In written words, I don’t think that I’m that great either. Usually, (even with my double checking) there are many grammar and spelling mistakes that (often) take away from what I was trying to say. There’s always a part of me that is insecure about writing because of what teachers and college professors have told me before. Teachers, as helpful they mostly are, often don’t realize the impact of their unbelief in a person’s skill and how that can last a lifetime. You have people like Aaron Rodgers who still hold a “grudge” against a college professor who laughed at him when he told her that he was going to play in the NFL.

But that’s besides the point.

What I really wanted to say today is that there are times when grace needs to trump theology.

We’ve witnessed a horrific tragedy this past weekend. And many people are trying to find answers of how and why this has happened. And also, where was God in the midst of this tragedy.

Sometimes, we have the best of intentions in our responses. We don’t know what to say — so we dip into our bag of “go-to” theological responses and say things like, “This was part of God’s plan. We just have to trust and believe and have faith in God.”

I would imagine — after losing a loved one in a horrific incident, the last thing someone would want to hear is that God was behind all of this and to hold onto faith because we will see what God had planned all along after violently and horrifically taking away your loved one.

Then someone forwarded me a link that has a politician/news pundit explaining that we have spent the past 50 years or so of systematically removing God from — well, pretty much everything. Lawsuits that take away the name of Christ in public places, etc. etc. etc.

He also said great things, though. “Where was God?” He explained that God was with the children. God was with the teachers who sacrificed their safety and lives to protect those children. God was with the first responders.

And I wondered, why couldn’t he have just left it at that response?

Why did he have to go on saying that we are pushing God away from our country — and in our times of need are wanting God to be involved? Trying to answer for God, when the concept of God goes beyond human understanding and comprehension.

I don’t think the people who are mourning and grieving need to hear that, because we are systematically removing God from our country, God wasn’t there to protect the children. Or that things like these are more likely to happen.

Have we not read the Hebrew Bible (the Old Testament)?
Ever since leaving Egypt — the Israelites were consistently unfaithful to God. But God remained steadfast with God’s people.

God told the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute to symbolize the unfaithfulness of Israel, then told Hosea to keep her as his wife to symbolize God’s unwavering love for God’s people.
In the book of Jeremiah, there were heavy things laid upon the Israelites. But God said that He would make a new covenant with Israel — where the law will be written in the hearts. God will be their God, and they will be God’s people and ending with,  ”If the heavens above could be measured and the foundation of the earth below could be fathomed, only then would I reject Israel’s descendants for what they have done.” (Jer 31:37)

Or how about the Ninevites, who Jonah was supposed to give a message of destruction? After living a Godless life as a culture, when they returned to God, God’s compassion and grace triumphed over God’s judgement of doom.

And that’s only the surface of the accounts of Israelites straying from God, pushing God out of their culture and country, and how God never went away nor abandoned the Israelites.

Sure, our country may have been actively pursuing removing God from public places. No 10 Commandments in a courthouse. No prayers in school. Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. No nativity scene in public places.

But, C’mon. Really? Is God so limited that our frivolous lawsuits and bickering over where God is and is not really going to affect God’s presence in our lives and culture and country and world? Is God really going to adhere to our human-made laws?
If the law says, no prayer in public schools, is God not going to be present in public schools?
Has God become some sort of vampire where God cannot enter a place unless invited?

No matter how unfaithful Israel was — God remained faithful. God’s anger burned, often. But God’s grace, love, mercy and compassion often won out.
He forgave the people. He took them back. They pushed God away. God remained with the people, and when they cried out, God didn’t say, “Too late. Y’all had your chance. I found a new chosen people.” God sent deliverers. God sent prophets. Ultimately, God sent Godself.

Of course, this is what I believe and you can agree or vehemently disagree.

But, when our nation is mourning, we need to be there with hope, compassion, and love not with answers to questions that are beyond our comprehension.

My senior pastor at Mesa Verde once said to me, “There are times where grace trumps theology.”

In times like these, we need to share grace, love, hope, strength, compassion, peace and comfort with one another. Our theology and theodicy should (and needs to) be secondary.

 

The Interchangeable Ethnicity

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I don't know why it bothers me so much when people assume I'm Chinese or Japanese. But it does. A lot.

I was at the Coffee Cat (great local coffee shop, btw) with my parents when this guy interrupted us.

“Are you guys from here?”

“Well, we are, but my parents aren't.”

“Where are they from?”

“Pomona.”

“Oh — is that in America?”

“…. It's in Southern California. Like 2 hours away. Near Cal-Poly Pomona.”

“Oh right, right. I knew that. Do you guys visit Chinatown frequently? I was just there. And I try to go all the time. It's so wonderful. You guys have such neat things…”

I mean, really? I had to bite my tongue so hard not to say something snarky back. After all, he was being really sincere. But, still… Why does one just go ahead an assume? They say that when you assume, it makes an ASS out of U and ME. But really, it just makes an ass out of you…

I read an article in Entertainment Weekly about the remake of Red Dawn. They originally made it about the Chinese invading the Northwest. But studios these days are trying to get their films to play in China, since it's such an untapped market. Studios have to be really careful because the Chinese government has strict control over what foreign movies are (legally) allowed into their country.

So, the studio that produce Red Dawn did not want to offend the China censors, so after the movie finished filming, they digitally altered all Chinese elements (uniforms, flags, etc) to North Korea. I read that and I said out loud, “Aw hellllll no!”

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I mean, you have Australians playing Americans. Americans playing Germans. The English playing American roles. An Irishman playing Abraham Lincoln.

But it bothers me when Zhang Ziyi (Chinese) played a geisha (Japanese). Or how Benjamin Kingsley (not Asian) is playing the Mandarin (an Asian character) in Iron Man 3. Actually the latter bothers me much more than the former. What? No Asian people to cast the roles of Goku (Dragonball) or Aang (The Last Air Bender)?

Or how about casting that reinforces the negative stereotypes of Asians? (Yes, 2 Broke Girls, I'm talking about you).

Or how about a Vacation Bible School study a couple of summers ago that was so racially insensitive to the all Asian cultures? Mixing pandas with geisha like clothing, with lanterns, rice field hats, chopsticks, karate chops and hiyas… I mean, really?

I know a lot of people don't understand the differences of Asian cultures. But each culture and country have rich and different histories. Sure, there are similarities, but there are big differences, as well.

In the end, there will be people who unintentionally and mistakingly think that there are similarities in the Asian cultures — thinking that it's all the same or interchangeable. And then there will be people who will continue to be ignorant and choose to bask in their ignorance.

When people (like the guy at the coffee shop) assume that I'm something other than Korean, know that I'll find a way to end the conversation ASAP, all the while politely smiling and biting my tongue so that I won't make the situation worse.