Tag Archives: God

Don’t Blame the World

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Earth from Space

Earth from Space (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some of us Christians do our best to separate ourselves from the world as much as possible — much like the Essenes of Jesus’ day.

We immerse ourselves in nothing but Christianese culture, listening to nothing but the FISH (safe for the whole family!!); watch nothing but purposefully Christianized programming (yay American Bible Challenge; a bigger YAY for Kirk Cameron!)

We view the world to be so contaminated that we try our best to stay far, far from it.

In a previous post, I mentioned that a part of me admires the resolves of those people to really stick to their guns on what they believe to be a good and faithful Christian life. They’re making sacrifices and diligently trying to live a life that they feel is a good Christian one. They’re anchored by their beliefs, rather than floating and drifting about.

But, the bigger part of me has to question, really, how “biblical” is that approach of life?

Not being part of this world has become (very) profitable. NOTW (Not Of This World) apparel and swag has become one of the bigger sellers of Christianese paraphernalia. I see bumper stickers of NOTW on many cars; people wearing shirts with the NOTW logo.
Although, NOTW makes me think of aliens. Or Superman. But not really Jesus nor Christians. But that’s just me and my love for sci-fi and comics.

We do our best to completely separate ourselves from the world.
But, let’s not forget the favorite verse (or the most well known verse) for many, many Christians: John 3:16 which begins with For God so loved the world… (emphasis mine) 

If God thought of the world as contaminated and dark as we did, would God really send his son?
If God wanted to be separated from the world as much as we do, would God find it necessary to send Jesus? 

I mean, if the world is as dark and as contaminated as we believe (and it is), then what good are we doing for the world God created by pulling ourselves completely away from it?
Was it God’s purpose to send his beloved son to the world that he so loved and have Jesus die on the cross for us so that we may, in turn, respond by completely withdrawing from the world God intended to save and redeem and restore?

How can we be the light of this dark world if we hide ourselves under a bushel?
How can we be the salt to this world if we’re refusing to be spread upon the world?

Yes, Jesus said, “What good is salt if it loses its taste?”
But, also, what good is salt if it’s kept in its shaker away on the kitchen shelf never to interact with food (world)?

If the world is that bad and dark and evil — what are we doing to make it a better place?
If the world is that bad and dark and evil — then why are we taking away the hope and redeeming power of God away from it?
Why are we trying to bottle up all of God’s goodness and keep it to ourselves, away from the world?

I’m not saying or advocating that we become “worldly” and embrace all that is “unholy.”
But, saying and advocating that, instead of withdrawing, we let people know of the life-giving love and grace and hope of Christ. The same love, grace, and hope changed our lives for the better. And continues to change our lives.

And, what good is the Gospel and our message if we just keep trying to save the already saved, because all we hang out with are the saved?

Yes. The world is broken. But, what we can’t do is withdraw ourselves from it and point our fingers on just how screwed up the world is.
I mean, c’mon. Really.
What Would Jesus Do?

New Sermon Series: Jacob’s Ladder

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ladder

This Sunday, we begin a new sermon series: Jacob’s Ladder: Surely the LORD was in this place & I did not know it!

We’re going to be spending 5 weeks on the same passage (Genesis 28:10-18), but really focus on verse 16: “Surely the Lord was in this place and I did not know it!” based on Lawrence Kushner’s book, God was in this Place & I, i did not know. 

Quite a few times, people have come up to me after church and say things like, “Boy, God was really here today!” (And I know I’m not the only pastor/church leader that gets that). Those thoughts always gets me thinking… Does that imply that God hasn’t been there the other times?
But those kind of thoughts happen outside of the church, too.

One day, after a long (long) hike, when I got to the top, I saw the beautiful surrounding site and I caught myself saying, “Wow. God’s really here at the top of this mountain!” Which made me pause and ask myself, “Wasn’t God with me on my hike up?”

So, for the next 5 weeks, we’ll be talking about what Jacob might’ve experienced that kept him from realizing God was in this place before he fell asleep and had his dream, and how we, as today’s readers of Jacob’s story, can learn from his experience and story. 

What is it that keeps us from being aware of God’s presence everywhere we go?

If you can’t join us at St. Mark on Sunday mornings in beautiful Santa Barbara, I invite you to come listen to us online on our website!

Trust in the LORD With All Your Heart …

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I remember telling my dad that I didn’t want to go through the ordination process.

Since I loved youth ministry and I wanted to do youth ministry until the day I retire, I figured I didn’t need to go through ordination to do that. And of course, the other part of the reason was that I just didn’t want to go through all that crap stuff.

But it’s a good thing I started the process back then.

I was serious about doing youth ministry forever, though. I really thought that youth ministry was the be all, end all of my ministerial career. I thought I’d be doing youth ministry well into my 60′s.

Maybe that’s why people say things like, “Want to make God laugh? Tell God your future plans.”

There came a point in time when I realized, while I loved youth and youth ministry, there’s got to be more to me than just the “youth guy.” There’s more to life, faith, and ministry than this one facet that I have been immersed in for the past few years. And I wanted to explore that.

That coincided with me being commissioned as a provisional elder. Which meant, I was going to appointed somewhere by the Cabinet. Which I thought meant, “I can try something outside of youth ministry.” Only, the Cabinet sent me to an Anglo church to be their associate pastor with emphasis on youth ministry.

This would be first time, in my life, where I would not be part of a Korean church — and with that came “culture shock” and a lot of adjusting and a lot of things that I had to get used to.

Like side comments that were meant to encourage me, but were a bit offensive like, “I was so worried about your English, but after hearing you preach, I have to say: you speak English very, very well!”

But the biggest culture shock — the hardest transition was the youth ministry aspect.

The way we Koreans did youth ministry and the way the average Anglo UM churches do ministry are as different as night and day. And, for the life of me, I could not figure out how to meet the kids in some form of middle ground.

I tried. I felt like I came up short. I got frustrated. Tried new things. Reread and read all sorts of books on youth ministry. But, nothing was working. At the end of the day, I had to assume the problem was me. I just could not adapt to what the kids were used to. Nor could I have them meet me half way from what I as accustomed to. Also, a huge part of me was worried that if I were to adapt completely to how the anglo churches in the Cal-Pac did youth ministry, I would lose a big part of my identity as a pastor, as a Christian, and as a person.

But I loved those kids. They were great. They were fun. We had a great time hanging out. But, at that time, I felt that I was called to do more than just hang out and have fun. I was getting tired of silly and messy games. I was getting tired of lock-ins. Surely, there was more to my calling than playing a game of Hide and Seek at 3 in the morning in pitch black darkness even though it was pretty epic.

Then I got a call from a DS saying that I was moving. Which meant a new church. Which meant a new opportunity; a new job. Which I thought meant, “I can try something out of youth ministry.” Only, the Cabinet sent me to another Anglo church as the associate pastor with heavy emphasis on youth.

Apparently, God must’ve thought I had unfinished business with youth ministry when I thought I was done. But I figured, there must be a reason for this appointment. And I tried to make the best of it. I tried to learn from the mistakes from the previous appointment. I had learned through District and Conference gatherings that our conference, when it comes to youth, emphasized the importance of relationships with one another.

You see, in the Korean context, the emphasis is on the youth’s relationship with God. That’s why the retreats are intense. That’s why there are weekly prayer meetings. That’s why on Friday nights, instead of fellowship, the focus is on bible study and worship.

That insight helped a little.

And I loved that church. I loved the staff. I loved the kids. They were great. But something deep within me nagged at me — because I (still) wasn’t making the connections I was accustomed to making in youth ministry.

Though it was hard, I had to admit that I wasn’t the best fit for this church, when it came to youth ministry. Or maybe, I just wasn’t the best fit for any youth ministry.

It was a complete detour from just few years earlier, when I was telling my dad I was going to do youth ministry for the rest of my life.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am tremendously grateful for both experiences and both churches. They embraced me. They loved me. They were patient with me as I was trying to figure things out.

But, I don’t think I ever figured things out. I don’t think I was as “successful” as I hoped to be (or desired to be) in both settings.

And I’m thankful that both churches are doing well today — that I didn’t mess up so bad as to cripple them or set them back decades. I just wish I could’ve done… better… more.

When I was in Hawaii last week, I got a chance to preach for the youth at my old church. Most of the kids I worked with were now in college. That means this was a whole new batch of kids that I didn’t know. I thought I had prepared a good sermon for the youth ministry.

When I got up to preach, I saw all these young sets of eyes staring at me.

As I met their gaze, I said to myself, “Uh oh. This sermon might not be the best in this context.”

And it wasn’t. The college kids who helped with youth ministry understood the message (at least that’s what they told me). But, I think for most of the youth kids, I spoke over their heads using “Punahou” words as the student formerly known as Intern Dae shared. Meaning, I used words that the kids would never use on a daily basis. And not just because they’re Hawaii kids…

It’s funny how sure and solid we think our plans for our future may be. 8 years ago, I would’ve never imagined feeling like this towards youth ministry. 8 years ago, I wouldn’t have pictured myself being a pastor to adults, let alone, serving an Anglo church.

But that’s the thing. God’s in control, not me. And life is much, much easier when I accept that instead of trying to fight with God and hold tightly to future plans that may not work out the best for me. Life is easier when we trust in God and God’s plans. For God’s plans are for peace, not disaster, to give us a future filled with hope.

So may we trust in The Lord with all our heart, not relying solely on our intelligence or our own abilities to get by.

May we know him in all our paths, for God will keep our ways straight!

Not Broken, Just Bent

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Within a month of my being at St. Mark UMC, this happened.
For those that don’t have time to read another post, a picture from that blog post in July:
photo

Yea. It hurt. A lot. I don’t know if it would’ve hurt less than a wasp sting. It was a lose-lose situation.

8 months later, my forehead looks like this:
Photo on 2-19-13 at 12.29 PM

The scar hasn’t gone away.
It may not be noticeable to anyone else (hence the red circle) but every time I look in the mirror, I notice it. I see it, and I am reminded of my encounter with a beam. And, with the question, “Why isn’t the scar going away? Is it permanent?”
I wish I didn’t see it. But that’s the first place my eyes now go to when I look in the mirror: my forehead.

But, that’s the thing about scars.
Our scars, both physical and emotional, may not be noticeable to anyone else. But we see it. Every day. All the time.
But I feel that our scars are only as big as we make them to be.

The bigger we make the scars to be, the more it interferes with our lives.

A physical scar can make us feel unattractive and ugly.
An emotional scar can make us feel unworthy.
So, we don’t give ourselves the best chance to “succeed.”
Someone once said, “We accept the love that we think we deserve.”
And sometimes our “scars” seemingly dictates what kind of love we think we deserve.

The truth is — you’re beautiful. We are all beautiful, for we are made in the image of God. Wonderfully and fearfully made.

The scars in our lives do not dictate how broken we may be. And even if it did, God finds beauty in the broken.

God has found us worthy enough to call us God’s children.

We shouldn’t let our scars define us. Instead, we should let the love of God define us.

For “scars remind us where we have been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.” (Oddly enough, that may be from a Criminal Minds episode)

Be Patient. God Knows What God’s Doing.

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Santa Barbara, looking east from above Santa B...

Some time in 2012, I knew that my time at my former church was coming to a close. I was sure of it, because my DS (District Superintendent) had told me so. I wasn’t in any trouble (that I know of) but, outside of what she had informed me, I also knew in my heart that a time of transition was coming. To where? I had no idea. The DS told me that she couldn’t say anything but to be in prayer and know that there is a plan.

So, I remained in prayer and tried to form my own plan, naturally.
I had it in me that I wanted to return to the Korean church. I had been (am still) so critical of the Korean church. It was time to shut up and put my money where my mouth is. I couldn’t help but think of the parable of the Prodigal Son, where I was playing the part of the son returning home — the Korean church. But instead of the father running towards with open arms ready to embrace and kiss me, I envisioned running towards, as Jesus put it, weeping and gnashing of teeth. I kid. Well, sort of. And yes, I realize how egotistical it was of me to think that way.

And then — a position at a Korean church opened. I thought that this was more than a coincidence. Intern Dae once asked, “Do you think you could ever go back to a Korean church?” At that time, I answered, “If I ever were to go back to the Korean church, I’d like it to be at [the Korean church mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph]. It’s never going to happen, though. I don’t think that pastor’s leaving any time soon.”

So, I figured this was God’s way of telling me that I may have to, for lack of a better
cliche´, put my money where my mouth is.

So I contacted the pastor. He wanted to meet. I drove out to meet him. We talked. I got excited. He got excited — except that the position I wanted was being filled, but they were looking for a college pastor and would I be interested. I always wanted to try college ministry, so I said yes. Then he told me to come to the church and meet with the SPRC.
So my wife and I drove to the church to see what the church was like. Secretly, I went there ready to say ‘yes.’ I figured, this was what God wanted me to do. All the door seemingly just opened.

Only, after the meeting and the tour of the church, something in my heart nagged at me saying, “What are you doing?”
That inner dialogue was echoed by my wife, “I don’t think this would be a good place for us.”
But something within me really wanted this to happen. I really thought this place would be the next chapter in my life. However, there was enough hesitation and resistance (something I didn’t expect) within me to realize that I needed to figure out what was going on and pray on it.

After much prayer, and many conversations with trusted friends and family, it was what my wife said. She wondered if I was trying to force my way into this church, for whatever reasons because it was me that initiated everything from day 1. I was letting the DS know what was going on, instead of waiting for the Cabinet. And I realized, perhaps, this was a good time to not be so proactive, but a good time to wait. To pray. And to trust.

So, I told the pastor of the Korean church that I couldn’t go.
I told the DS that I would pray for the Cabinet and be patient as I possibly could, sort of apologizing for hijacking the whole process.

After what felt like years, I was told that an introductory meeting was set up for me in Santa Barbara.
My initial reaction?
“Oh. Santa Barbara? Okay… Well. Yea. Thanks.”
I wasn’t too thrilled. I was paying attention to the possible appointments, and I secretly hoped that Santa Barbara wasn’t one of the places. Why? Because we lived there when I was in jr. high to early high school. I just wasn’t excited.
But, I wasn’t going to refuse this introduction meeting.

So my wife and I drove north to Santa Barbara. I was a bit apprehensive and went to the meeting expecting the worst. I just didn’t think I’d be a good fit for the church and for Santa Barbara.

But. As soon as I sat down. There was a strange warming in my heart. I wish I was making that up. I’m not saying that to be a good Methodist. There really was a strange warming within my heart. And everything felt …. right. 

After the meeting, the wife and I drove to State street to have dinner. We talked about the meeting and she asked, “What did you think?”
I told her that I think that this was it.
I also shared with her, had I felt any inkling of what I feel now for the Korean church, I would’ve jumped at the chance. But, I knew that I had dodged a bullet going to that Korean church. I’m not saying that the Korean church was a bad church or whatever. But, I knew that I would’ve made a huge mistake if I had gone to that church. Consider that my Tarsus, if you will.
I honestly think, the outcome would have been that both the church and I go our separate ways, both damaged, hurt and scarred.

Of course, that Korean church brought in great people for their ministry, which I think is a great fit for them.
And God brought me to Santa Barbara.
I am 100% certain of that. And, honestly, I’m glad that I’m 100% certain of that, because it’s that knowledge and faith that will pull me through when we encounter uncertainty in the process of ministry. And, I know that this is a great fit for both church and myself.

I have no idea what God intends to do with me and St. Mark UMC. But, I know that it’s going to be something great and amazing. And, there’s no other option, because God is involved — especially if we continue to have God lead us, instead of us dictating God.

There are so many times in my life where I just want things to happen on my time, in my way. More often than not, I want to say, “God, this is what I’m going to do. Please bless it.” And move on forward.

But I need to continually remind myself that God knows what he’s doing.
And, more importantly, that I’m not God.

While there are times where I need to be active in my faith and not just sit around and wait for things to happen, there are times where I need to be patient, wait, discern and pray that God’s will be mine, not the other way around.

I think it’s more than fair to say, life is a bit more manageable and makes a little bit more sense when we live out God’s will for us.

 

In Where Grace Trumps Theology

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There are moments in my life where I wish I was desperately intelligent and eloquent. Especially when I’m involved in debates.
In spoken conversations, I usually respond by stumbling over my words and can’t pronounce words correctly. There have been many times when the “L” sound is replaced with the “R” sound (i.e. “really” becomes “rearry” or in a sermon, instead of saying “children” I said, “chirdren”) — never intentional. 20+ years in this country, on top of that, my Korean is fading away – and I still, still have issues with my L’s and R’s (and many other aspects of the English language).

In written words, I don’t think that I’m that great either. Usually, (even with my double checking) there are many grammar and spelling mistakes that (often) take away from what I was trying to say. There’s always a part of me that is insecure about writing because of what teachers and college professors have told me before. Teachers, as helpful they mostly are, often don’t realize the impact of their unbelief in a person’s skill and how that can last a lifetime. You have people like Aaron Rodgers who still hold a “grudge” against a college professor who laughed at him when he told her that he was going to play in the NFL.

But that’s besides the point.

What I really wanted to say today is that there are times when grace needs to trump theology.

We’ve witnessed a horrific tragedy this past weekend. And many people are trying to find answers of how and why this has happened. And also, where was God in the midst of this tragedy.

Sometimes, we have the best of intentions in our responses. We don’t know what to say — so we dip into our bag of “go-to” theological responses and say things like, “This was part of God’s plan. We just have to trust and believe and have faith in God.”

I would imagine — after losing a loved one in a horrific incident, the last thing someone would want to hear is that God was behind all of this and to hold onto faith because we will see what God had planned all along after violently and horrifically taking away your loved one.

Then someone forwarded me a link that has a politician/news pundit explaining that we have spent the past 50 years or so of systematically removing God from — well, pretty much everything. Lawsuits that take away the name of Christ in public places, etc. etc. etc.

He also said great things, though. “Where was God?” He explained that God was with the children. God was with the teachers who sacrificed their safety and lives to protect those children. God was with the first responders.

And I wondered, why couldn’t he have just left it at that response?

Why did he have to go on saying that we are pushing God away from our country — and in our times of need are wanting God to be involved? Trying to answer for God, when the concept of God goes beyond human understanding and comprehension.

I don’t think the people who are mourning and grieving need to hear that, because we are systematically removing God from our country, God wasn’t there to protect the children. Or that things like these are more likely to happen.

Have we not read the Hebrew Bible (the Old Testament)?
Ever since leaving Egypt — the Israelites were consistently unfaithful to God. But God remained steadfast with God’s people.

God told the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute to symbolize the unfaithfulness of Israel, then told Hosea to keep her as his wife to symbolize God’s unwavering love for God’s people.
In the book of Jeremiah, there were heavy things laid upon the Israelites. But God said that He would make a new covenant with Israel — where the law will be written in the hearts. God will be their God, and they will be God’s people and ending with,  ”If the heavens above could be measured and the foundation of the earth below could be fathomed, only then would I reject Israel’s descendants for what they have done.” (Jer 31:37)

Or how about the Ninevites, who Jonah was supposed to give a message of destruction? After living a Godless life as a culture, when they returned to God, God’s compassion and grace triumphed over God’s judgement of doom.

And that’s only the surface of the accounts of Israelites straying from God, pushing God out of their culture and country, and how God never went away nor abandoned the Israelites.

Sure, our country may have been actively pursuing removing God from public places. No 10 Commandments in a courthouse. No prayers in school. Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. No nativity scene in public places.

But, C’mon. Really? Is God so limited that our frivolous lawsuits and bickering over where God is and is not really going to affect God’s presence in our lives and culture and country and world? Is God really going to adhere to our human-made laws?
If the law says, no prayer in public schools, is God not going to be present in public schools?
Has God become some sort of vampire where God cannot enter a place unless invited?

No matter how unfaithful Israel was — God remained faithful. God’s anger burned, often. But God’s grace, love, mercy and compassion often won out.
He forgave the people. He took them back. They pushed God away. God remained with the people, and when they cried out, God didn’t say, “Too late. Y’all had your chance. I found a new chosen people.” God sent deliverers. God sent prophets. Ultimately, God sent Godself.

Of course, this is what I believe and you can agree or vehemently disagree.

But, when our nation is mourning, we need to be there with hope, compassion, and love not with answers to questions that are beyond our comprehension.

My senior pastor at Mesa Verde once said to me, “There are times where grace trumps theology.”

In times like these, we need to share grace, love, hope, strength, compassion, peace and comfort with one another. Our theology and theodicy should (and needs to) be secondary.

 

Toilets and Tubs and Clogs, Oh My!

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English: This is used to pee in the bathroom.

This weekend, we had a quite a bit of an “adventure” with the plumbing in our house.

Both toilets weren’t flushing correctly. Both showers were backing up. It’s not the best feeling in the world as you’re showering and the water (mixed with your day — especially if you went on a strenuous, sweaty hike that day) is up to your ankles. And rising.

Monday morning, I groggily got out of bed and made my zombie march towards the bathroom to get ready to conquer the day. I was rudely awaken by the drenched, and I mean drenched, and cold bathroom mat on the floor.

“What in the world…” I exclaimed out loud.
The entire floor was wet, but in my zombie morning haze, I didn’t notice it until I stepped onto the soaked mat.

So, I called the plumber and he said he’d be right over.
And he said that the main pipe must be clogged.
I got a quick plumbing 101 lesson as he was explaining all that is happening. It was actually quite interesting. I had no idea that each drain had a pipe to the roof — which are the little chimney looking things on top of every roof in our neighborhood.

But the main drain was clogged and therefore, backing everything else up.

And in the midst of the conversation about drains, pipes, toilets, tubs, sewage, back ups, clogs and such — my mind oddly drifted towards God and life. (I have to say — I feel like there’s a joke in here somewhere, I just can’t seem to flush it out.)

Of course, when I sat back and really digested the thoughts I garnered during my conversation with the plumber, the metaphor didn’t hold up completely. But, I started thinking about how I do (or not do) things to clog up my spiritual life and how that affects every aspect of my life.

Like, how sometimes I go on without checking myself and things start building up and building up until I realize I need help after my life is in the …wait for it… toilet!

It could be something as simple and small as neglect.
Neglecting prayer time.
Neglecting quiet/devotional time.
Neglecting the voice in my head — that I know is right and something I should do…

And eventually, I’ve strayed so far from the path God made for me — I have no idea where I am. Or in worst-scenario cases, have no idea who I am and who I was meant to be.

In those times, I felt so distant from God. God seems so far away. The quick, bumper sticker remedy to that is: If you feel far from God, who moved?
Of course, quick, neat ‘n tidy, bumper sticker theology can be dangerous. But in my spiritual journey and life, I know that when I feel that way, it is because I have been the one moving further and further away — most of the time, due to my ignoring/neglecting spiritual self-care.

You know, about a month ago, my wife did mention that something was funny with the toilet. But, it never really acted out again. So I thought nothing of it. The wise husband would’ve called the plumber then and there. But, safe to say, I’ve never really been called wise. So I guess we let it get more clogged and backed up throughout the weeks, then *BOOM* All the toilets are clogged and overflowing. The showers are backed up. We can’t do laundry without the fear of the laundry water and its residue seeping out from the drains of our bathtubs. (Thankfully — none of the hundreds of spiders flushed down the toilet or drowned in the bathtub made a reappearance…)

So, yea,  it’s prudent and wise to really take care of … the crap (both plumbing and spirituality wise) that get in our way, early and immediately. Because if it continues to build up — the aftermath is not going to be a pretty sight.

Hmmm… guess my mind’s been in the toilet all day…

No Creative Title Here, But It’s About the Night That I Got Ordained and the Sermon That Was Preached. Sort of.

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Look. I had 3 different drafts of this post, since our Cal-Pac Annual Conference.
After I finished each one, I read it then reread it. Then deleted it. I didn’t even save it as a draft, which I normally do.

I just didn’t want to weigh in with my two cents because, well, I just didn’t have anything nice to say, truthfully. Or productive. Or even worthwhile.

Just a complaint, that will make me sound like a brat.
Here’s what’s going on right now. Click here.

Bishop Talbert was the preacher for our ordination worship celebration for Annual Conference.

Now, let me get this out of the way. I agree with what Bishop Talbert preached on. I had no problem with the content of the sermon.

But, I did have a problem with the time and place he chose to preach it.
I rarely want to make things about me, at least in a celebratory way. But you know, honestly, that night was about us, as the ordination class, and what God has done and continue to do through us.

It was about the years we poured our tears, sweat, some of us blood (in forms of paper cuts, perhaps) and lives in the long and often redundant and ridiculous and utterly arduous process of ordination.

It was about how we endured, only by the grace of God.
It was, at least for me and a couple of friends, about failing but refusing to stay down. Because God refused to let us go, even though many times, I (for one) wanted wash my hands free of the process, and ultimately the United Methodist Church.

It was to be a night of celebration and achievements. A small part of it being about us, but the bigger part about what God had done, despite and in spite of the ordinands.

The second to the last thing I wanted to hear that night was a 40 (plus) minute long sermon.

Especially since I know that my parents and my mother in-law wouldn’t understand most of the sermon.

The last thing I wanted to hear that night was a intentionally and thoroughly politically charged sermon.

Bishop Talbert entitled his sermon, “Do The Right Thing.”
And had he touched on any of the many many many subjects we, as newly ordained full members of the Cal-Pac Conference, could engage in doing the right thing, I honestly would’ve been okay.

There are so many issues where clergy and the church has dropped the ball by not doing the right thing. He could’ve touched on any one of those issues: poverty, homelessness, immigration, abuse, racism… I don’t know. But I do know that, as a clergy, my doing the right thing goes beyond just the issue he spent all night talking about.

This was a graduation ceremony, in many aspects.
Tell me, who would use the forum of the commencement speech to advance his/her own political beliefs?

Would it be any different, if I were to give the commencement speech at a graduation filled with Korean and Japanese students, and spend 40 minutes about how Dokdo rightfully belongs to Korea?

Would it be wise for someone to use the platform of the commencement speech to talk about same-sex marriage?

Would it be wise for me to tell recent graduates to undermine the authority that is already established?

I did not invite my brother to fly from Hawaii to join in this celebration only to force him to sit and listen to a topic that he does not agree with; a subject that we don’t see eye to eye. Which is completely okay.

I didn’t enjoy having awkward conversations at Coco’s Restaurant with folks (even folks I never met) about my feelings and thoughts on the sermon.

I wanted to just enjoy the night and bask in what God accomplished in me–in all of us. And I strongly feel that was taken from us.

Bishop Talbert, in my humble opinion, did a fantastic job of making that night about himself, more than anything else.

Call me a brat. Call me selfish. Call me naive. Call this a self-absorbed temper tantrum. Because you’d be absolutely right.

But dammit, in the eternal words of Lesley Gore: “It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to.”

… or something along that line.

To My Mother

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So, there was a time where I pretty much listened to nothing but Korean music, or Kpop. Like any pop music, a lot of Kpop was really infectious. It still is. While I don’t listen to it as much as I used to, once in a while, I let my iPod go shuffle crazy and korean songs play randomly. And it’s usually old school Korean songs that I still listen to.

This group came at the peak of my Kpop days. I think all of us Koreans saw our moms in this song. I remember driving home one day in seminary, and this song came up and my wife (then my girlfriend) started to get teary eyed thinking of her mom.

There’s no doubt that our parents have went through a lot and sacrificed a lot to make our lives as easy as possible. But not easy enough that we would be rendered useless in society.

Anyway, this song played randomly while I was doing the dishes the other day and it made me think about my mom and my mother in-law and Kpop. If you dare, take a gander at the music video and listen to the song that sounds somewhat like Tupac’s Life Goes On

Hunger Games

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Sorry for the misleading title, but this post is not going to be about Katniss or Gale or Peeta or the love triangle of Galniss vs. Keeta (the other possible combination of names never mind).

The picture you see is of my dad, 6 days in to his fast.

Every time he fasts for a lengthy period, he wants to take frequent visits to grocery stores (particularly Asian ones, because they have live fish/seafood) to stroll through the aisles and take in all the sights and sounds. He lost his ability to smell when he was a child, so he doesn’t have to worry about being overwhelmed by smells.

We went to see him and also to celebrate Mother’s Day a day earlier, which my dad insisted that he’ll come to dinner with us to converse with us and watch us eat (which is another one of his favorite things to do while fasting).

He wanted to go to the stores to see if they carry a certain “product” that he can cook and eat when he is able (I don’t want to let you know what it was because even I was a bit grossed out. I guess that’s why we went to Asian grocery stores. And no, it’s not dog).

My mom usually go on these outings to entertain him. She said after all these years of fasting, he never once cooked or prepared the things he was craving when he was done with the fast.

When I fasted here and there, the Food Network would consistently fascinate me. I’d just sit and watch the likes of Bobby Flay or Guy Fieri do their thing. I’d think, “Man, I should learn to cook like that.” And, “Man, I don’t even like fish, but dang that salmon looks good.”

And much like my father, after the fast, I never followed through, either.

When you’re hungry, everything changes. The food looks better than ever. You sit there and watch the cooking shows, and you swear that aroma of what the chef is preparing is coming through the TV screen.

I started making plans – a food schedule, if you will – of what food to consume and in what order, when I am able. Burgers, fries, pizza and Mexican food usually tops the list. Oh. Ice cream. Pie.Cereal. Oatmeal. Cake. And the weird thing is, outside of ice cream, I don’t even like the stuff on the second list. But, during the fast, I would crave them.

But once I was able to eat, those pangs would fade away rather quickly. Time spent watching the Food Network would decrease dramatically.

It’s a different story, now that my hunger has been satisfied.

While watching my dad make plans of cooking that he’d never follow through on, I started to wondering if this generation (mine included) could be one of the most idolatrous generations to date.

Because, we Christians may hunger for God, but we end up filling up on something else completely. It’s like you’re at a great steak restaurant, but you ate so much of their complimentary bread, by the time the steak comes out, you’re too full to enjoy that great piece of meat (vegetarians can substitute steak and bread for what y’all consider as great and yummy as steak).

Some of us may just be too blessed to realize that all blessings come from God and slowly start replacing God with ourselves; that my security and success came from my hard work and my talents. And we look ourselves in the mirror, and give ourselves the credit for looking so darn good.
Others of us may go to church to worship God, but the god that our hearts chase after is altogether something else like fame, fortune, love, acceptance…

So, we go day to day to day replacing God with human created things (sometimes purposefully, sometimes unintentionally) and we start rationalizing and justifying for the things that are slowly replacing God.

I don’t want to make light of the deep problem of addiction, but the root of the problem with addiction, I heard a pastor say, is that we are trying to replace what only God can provide with something else.

I’ve been mentally taking notes (and also writing things down here and there) of how I spend my day – what I do, for how long, etc. And it was a sad (and shocking) realization of how much time and energy is invested in things that are not going to bear any fruit. I spend a heckuva lot more time in doing mindless screen watching of various forms, than spend time in prayer.

We’re all hungry for something deeper, but we all make the mistake of searching for satisfaction elsewhere. Instead of turning to God, we turn to something created by human hands. And we think we find comfort. We think we find satisfaction. Yet after a while, our hearts are restless again.
Our new house isn’t big enough.
Our new car isn’t fast enough.
Our new job isn’t paying enough.
This new relationship isn’t fulfilling enough.
A drink is no longer enough.

And the Truth is, God is the only source that can satisfy the this hunger.
As St. Augustine once wrote, Our hearts are restless until they find rest in God.

So what may be some things you have tried to unintentionally (or intentionally) replace God with?
How have you been trying to satisfy your hunger for something deeper?

There’s a lot of pruning that I need to start doing in my life…