Tag Archives: jesus

Be Patient. God Knows What God’s Doing.

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Santa Barbara, looking east from above Santa B...

Some time in 2012, I knew that my time at my former church was coming to a close. I was sure of it, because my DS (District Superintendent) had told me so. I wasn’t in any trouble (that I know of) but, outside of what she had informed me, I also knew in my heart that a time of transition was coming. To where? I had no idea. The DS told me that she couldn’t say anything but to be in prayer and know that there is a plan.

So, I remained in prayer and tried to form my own plan, naturally.
I had it in me that I wanted to return to the Korean church. I had been (am still) so critical of the Korean church. It was time to shut up and put my money where my mouth is. I couldn’t help but think of the parable of the Prodigal Son, where I was playing the part of the son returning home — the Korean church. But instead of the father running towards with open arms ready to embrace and kiss me, I envisioned running towards, as Jesus put it, weeping and gnashing of teeth. I kid. Well, sort of. And yes, I realize how egotistical it was of me to think that way.

And then — a position at a Korean church opened. I thought that this was more than a coincidence. Intern Dae once asked, “Do you think you could ever go back to a Korean church?” At that time, I answered, “If I ever were to go back to the Korean church, I’d like it to be at [the Korean church mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph]. It’s never going to happen, though. I don’t think that pastor’s leaving any time soon.”

So, I figured this was God’s way of telling me that I may have to, for lack of a better
cliche´, put my money where my mouth is.

So I contacted the pastor. He wanted to meet. I drove out to meet him. We talked. I got excited. He got excited — except that the position I wanted was being filled, but they were looking for a college pastor and would I be interested. I always wanted to try college ministry, so I said yes. Then he told me to come to the church and meet with the SPRC.
So my wife and I drove to the church to see what the church was like. Secretly, I went there ready to say ‘yes.’ I figured, this was what God wanted me to do. All the door seemingly just opened.

Only, after the meeting and the tour of the church, something in my heart nagged at me saying, “What are you doing?”
That inner dialogue was echoed by my wife, “I don’t think this would be a good place for us.”
But something within me really wanted this to happen. I really thought this place would be the next chapter in my life. However, there was enough hesitation and resistance (something I didn’t expect) within me to realize that I needed to figure out what was going on and pray on it.

After much prayer, and many conversations with trusted friends and family, it was what my wife said. She wondered if I was trying to force my way into this church, for whatever reasons because it was me that initiated everything from day 1. I was letting the DS know what was going on, instead of waiting for the Cabinet. And I realized, perhaps, this was a good time to not be so proactive, but a good time to wait. To pray. And to trust.

So, I told the pastor of the Korean church that I couldn’t go.
I told the DS that I would pray for the Cabinet and be patient as I possibly could, sort of apologizing for hijacking the whole process.

After what felt like years, I was told that an introductory meeting was set up for me in Santa Barbara.
My initial reaction?
“Oh. Santa Barbara? Okay… Well. Yea. Thanks.”
I wasn’t too thrilled. I was paying attention to the possible appointments, and I secretly hoped that Santa Barbara wasn’t one of the places. Why? Because we lived there when I was in jr. high to early high school. I just wasn’t excited.
But, I wasn’t going to refuse this introduction meeting.

So my wife and I drove north to Santa Barbara. I was a bit apprehensive and went to the meeting expecting the worst. I just didn’t think I’d be a good fit for the church and for Santa Barbara.

But. As soon as I sat down. There was a strange warming in my heart. I wish I was making that up. I’m not saying that to be a good Methodist. There really was a strange warming within my heart. And everything felt …. right. 

After the meeting, the wife and I drove to State street to have dinner. We talked about the meeting and she asked, “What did you think?”
I told her that I think that this was it.
I also shared with her, had I felt any inkling of what I feel now for the Korean church, I would’ve jumped at the chance. But, I knew that I had dodged a bullet going to that Korean church. I’m not saying that the Korean church was a bad church or whatever. But, I knew that I would’ve made a huge mistake if I had gone to that church. Consider that my Tarsus, if you will.
I honestly think, the outcome would have been that both the church and I go our separate ways, both damaged, hurt and scarred.

Of course, that Korean church brought in great people for their ministry, which I think is a great fit for them.
And God brought me to Santa Barbara.
I am 100% certain of that. And, honestly, I’m glad that I’m 100% certain of that, because it’s that knowledge and faith that will pull me through when we encounter uncertainty in the process of ministry. And, I know that this is a great fit for both church and myself.

I have no idea what God intends to do with me and St. Mark UMC. But, I know that it’s going to be something great and amazing. And, there’s no other option, because God is involved — especially if we continue to have God lead us, instead of us dictating God.

There are so many times in my life where I just want things to happen on my time, in my way. More often than not, I want to say, “God, this is what I’m going to do. Please bless it.” And move on forward.

But I need to continually remind myself that God knows what he’s doing.
And, more importantly, that I’m not God.

While there are times where I need to be active in my faith and not just sit around and wait for things to happen, there are times where I need to be patient, wait, discern and pray that God’s will be mine, not the other way around.

I think it’s more than fair to say, life is a bit more manageable and makes a little bit more sense when we live out God’s will for us.

 

The New Year

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Happy New Year 2013

So, 2012 is about to be over. (Where does the time go?)
And it’s the time of the year where people start making their New Year’s resolutions. Usually in the matters of eating and exercising.
I read a study that claimed that 80% of people’s resolution don’t last through January.

A lot of it has to do with the person making the resolution not asking to be held accountable. When we share resolutions, it’s a matter-of-fact, this is what I’m gonna do type of sharing. Rarely, has anyone said to me (or have I said), “This is my resolution, and I’m telling you because I want you to hold me accountable.” Being held accountable is hard work. Shoot, holding someone accountable is hard work, too.

So resolutions are made. And broken. Then forgotten. Until the last week of December rolls around.

I am not immune to this, either. I’ve been thinking about resolutions that I need to make — for a better, happier, more meaningful and productive life.

In the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve been “researching” the effects of being a morning person. It all started with this blogpost from Michael Hyatt about making one’s self into a morning person.
There seems to be a correlation with being a morning person and being successful. Many, if not most, CEO’s seem to be morning people. The pastors that I read and …uh… “idolize” (ha!) all seem to be morning people, too.
Shoot, Jesus appeared to be a morning person, too. But I think everyone in that time were “morning people.”

I never thought of myself as a morning person. But, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get more things accomplished in the morning. And, I was taking to heart the tips that Michael Hyatt was giving on becoming a morning person (the first being — change your story. Quit saying that you’re not a morning person, etc).

But in the midst of thinking and pondering, it hit me. Yes, becoming a morning person might be helpful, but it’s what I need to do with the time I have, being intentionally productive.

What it really comes down to is just not goof around so much. I spend way too much time watching TV, surfing the web (with no purpose), playing games (letterpress on the iOS has become my new obsession. I can’t get enough of it. And I love beating people. Hands down, the best $.99 I spent this year– it’s free, unless you want to play more than 2 games at a time. Which I do. I have about 15 games going at once. And usually win 12 of them. Go check it out. Then get it. Then find me on game center, I think my username is itssuperjoey, and then be frustrated as I beat you.)

I could spend a little less time doing things that aren’t so productive, and spend a little more time doing something that is productive and helpful. Don’t get me wrong — being mindless is important and good for you, I believe. But too much of one thing is never really good.

I think my trying to become a morning person will be for naught if I am not intentionally productive in the new found hours of the day (which is very plausible in my case).

So. My new year’s resolution is to become more productive. And try to become a morning person.

Here’s hoping that I last longer than January. And no, I don’t think I really want you to hold me accountable ;) .

What are your resolutions for 2013?

He Is Out of His Mind

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Last week, my wife came home from a women’s Bible study group where they are going over Beth Moore’s interpretation of James (the name of the study escapes me at this moment).

She was excited about the study and the discussions and shared with me a few things Beth Moore said on the DVD, particularly regarding the passage from Mark 3, where Jesus’ family were telling people that Jesus was “out of his mind.” (v. 21).

She (the wife) went on explaining how Beth Moore tied this in with James, Jesus’ half brother, and it was really good. How the family wouldn’t believe Jesus’ claim of himself and how James wouldn’t believe until the very last possible moment of who his brother (half-brother…?) claimed to be. If he, Jesus, was who he really claimed to be, then he should prove it– to James and the rest of the family. But Jesus came, not to be a “showboat” or a public figure or run for a political office, but that he came to be a personal savior. Or something along that lines. I can’t quite remember my wife told me– I may have just filled in some of the large gaps in my head (perhaps I need more coffee/caffeine as I am writing this… or less).

But, that verse has been stuck in my mind.

One, there are moments when I call(ed) my brother (and friends and family) crazy. Sometimes the best explanation or interpretation of someone’s words/actions is: S/he’s out of his mind. C’mon. You’ve all used the “s/he’s crazy” sentiment to explain your loved ones behavior.

The other thing that struck me was how fast we label someone as ‘crazy’ when they do something that we do not comprehend. I do not mean to make light of this tragic event, but it was fascinating (mind-boggling?) how the media kept saying the Dark Knight Rises shooter in Aurora “snapped”; “lost his mind”; “went crazy.” And how often the media uses those kind of terms when an Anglo person does something horrific. I know I’m walking on thin ice — and making a HUGE, sweeping generalization– with this next statement: but if the suspect is not white, they don’t throw the words “snapped”, “lost his mind”, “went crazy” as generously.

But we are really quick to dismiss someone’s actions as “crazy,” even if s/he is in the sanest frame of mind. Because we are the sanest people we know, whoever thinks far differently than we do, whoever behaves far differently than we do, they just have to be crazy to think/do/be that different from us, right?

From my loose recollection and my own gathering of my wife’s explanation of Beth Moore’s teaching (whew, it’s a good thing that the Bible translations aren’t this far removed from the original source………), the family of Jesus deemed Jesus crazy to separate themselves from Jesus. For starters, they didn’t believe in Jesus’ claim. So they wanted to separate themselves from Jesus’ outrageous teachings and claims and not be associated with such a crazy teaching. (I think that’s what the wife said. I could be wrong).

I think I ended up with a slightly different conclusion: They weren’t trying to separate themselves from Jesus or disowning Jesus because they didn’t believe Jesus. I mean, yea, they may not have believed him (or in him), but I think they were trying to protect Jesus more than themselves.

By chapter 3 of Mark, Jesus made it known that he wasn’t going to be quiet and already challenged the religious establishment a few times. He healed someone on Sabbath (beginning of chapter 3), undermining the authority and teachings of the Pharisees, and the plot to (possibly) murder Jesus had started. On top of that, everywhere Jesus went, “impure spirits” starting shouting weird stuff like, “You are the son of God.” Something I’m sure that the Pharisees did not want to hear or have people hear– something that Jesus’ family knew would result in death. After all, it’s a form of blasphemy. And the Pharisee were a power hungry, power tripping, insecure and jealous bunch of men (my interpretation) and anyone who would displace them from their high horse would be met with fierce oppostion and punished by death.

At this point, the damage is done. Pharisees are waiting for the “right” moment to kill him. Jesus is not backing down. The family could probably see that this would end in the death of Jesus. (And perhaps, there was a fear of what would happen to them if Jesus was killed).

The only way to lessen the punishment (and tension that surrounded Jesus) was to say that “he is out of his mind.” The same way one might plea “insanity” after a horrendous crime: it may lessen the punishment.

All these people have gathered to hear Jesus teach– so many people that Jesus and his boys didn’t have a place (or time) to even eat. The family knew that Jesus wasn’t going to play nice or mince his word– that he was going to go on preaching and teaching. The teachers of the law were present. The Pharisees and the Herodians have already talked about offing Jesus.

So…

“Don’t pay attention to his words. He’s out of his mind.”

“Yea, my older brother? I think he was dropped on his head. Don’t pay attention. He’s one fish short of a lunch, if you know what I mean.”

“He always said weird things as a kid. I’m pretty sure that my “brother” is adopted. Don’t listen to him.”

And it’s in this passage where Jesus is told that his family is summoning him and he tells his listeners, “Who are my mothers and brothers? Here are my mothers and brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” (v.32-35)

Was he hurt or felt betrayed by their telling people that he was crazy, which was what may have led him to say that? Was he making a point that he wasn’t crazy (don’t listen to them. They’re not really my family. You’re my family)? Was he shocked (disappointed?) at their lack of faith, not in him, but in God? Especially after the experience Mary went through in bearing Jesus?

And what happened afterwards, with Jesus’ family? Did they feel betrayed by Jesus’ refusal of acknowledgement? Did they feel guilty of telling people that Jesus was crazy? Did they continue to follow Jesus around? And if they did– was it to listen to his teaching? Or to diffuse the tension and undermine his words so that he wouldn’t face death by stoning? Where were they when he went back to his hometown and the towns folk completely rejected him and his teaching (one Gospel saying that the people wanted to throw Jesus off the cliff. Talk about a homecoming).

I have no answers to my questions. But that’s okay.

Rabbis often didn’t want answers to questions, but they gauged someone’s grasp of scripture by the questions they asked. I don’t know what my questions say about my grasp of scripture. I know I’m always guilty of reading between the lines and adding my own personality in intrepreting. But hey, who doesn’t do that? How can you leave out your worldview, your thoughts, your experiences when trying to understand and intrepreting things? Does that make it wrong? Or right? I don’t know.

What I do know, though, is that the Bible is filled with fascinating stories.

Everyone’s Gonna Hate Me

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In Matthew 10:22a, Jesus says, “You will be hated by everyone because of me.”

Jesus was preparing his disciples, and us, for the type of reaction we'll get from people when we proclaim who we follow, trust and believe.

However, friends, I don't think that was a license for us to be jerks and a bit dick-ish to other people.

You have people spew their personal beliefs in a very hateful, hurtful, spiteful, ugly, mean often times bigoted and racist ways. Then when they receive negative feed back, and people push and/or fight back, they seem to be a bit satisfied with all the anger and, often the same hatred, spewed their way. And they tell one another, “Yup, Jesus said it was going to be like this. People hate us because of him.”

Yea… No. They hate you not because of Jesus, but… you know. For being a bit of a jerk.

There are ways to share your personal views, beliefs, and the way you interpret scripture without being a jerk. There are ways to argue, debate, converse without being dick-ish. There are ways to express our thoughts without hatred, bigotry and racism.

Paul said that, “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

But Jesus is right. Sometimes, no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try to be at peace with everyone, no matter how much we try to be good, faithful stewards of faith, haters are going to hate. They're going to be detractors, hecklers, and haters regardless of what we do or how we live.

That's because we march to a slightly different drum beat than the one constantly beating in our culture.

Our culture says that we need to look out for El Numero Uno. It's important that we are first in everything. We kept count of how many medals each country won in the Olympics, and I know that if we didn't finish first in the medal count, there would be an air of disappointment. (Hoping that we start taking pride in being first in other things that really, really count and could make a difference… like education)

But Jesus' taught: the first will be last, the last will be first. And things like there's no greater love than when a friend lays his/her life down for you.

When we faithfully live like Christ, there's something … different about us; something that people don't seem to understand, “Why did you just do that for that person? Everyone else would've just ignored him and went on their way.”

And we often fear the things that we don't understand. So we do whatever we can to minimize the uncomfortableness we feel from things we do not understand.

So we get dismissed. Pre-judged. Ignored. Picked on. Misunderstood.

That's okay. Jesus told us that would happen.

But don't be a jerk. There's a difference in being hated on for being yourself and living out your faith versus doing/saying mean and hateful things, inviting the hatred our way.

No one likes jerks.

And it's so easy to be a great, faithful Christian without being a jerk.

 

The Know-It-All

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Paul was absolutely right when he says, “Knowledge puffs up” because a Know-It-All is view as more of a nuisance than informative.

And! We all get annoyed; when someone, corrects our Grammar. All. The, Time. Or when we say something and they say, “Well, actually, it's….” I mean once or twice is okay, but after while, they're “Well, actually” intro takes all the restraint we have from taking the fork and (gently) stabbing the person's hand. Or something like that.

And I know there are many times where I was (am) the know-it-all.

Having knowledge is not bad. Being informative isn't bad at all. But there's a fine line between being a know-it-all and being informative.

My in-laws visited us this past weekend, and my wife's brother in-law was very informative of all food related conversations. He would tell us how to steam crab, how to eat a sea urchin (I passed. It was too much) and all sorts of other stuff. But it wasn't in a know-it-all fashion. My reaction wasn't a “groan, here we go” but a “oh, cool, that's good to know.”

Then they're colleagues that share what they know, but it comes off as a know-it-all. I can't quite figure out where that fine-line is drawn.

Is it speaking from experience? Like, someone talking from their very own experience instead of speaking from something they read somewhere, when they don't have any experience in that subject matter?

Is it based on what we think of someone? I like my wife's bro in-law. Therefore, everything he said was beneficial and I listened. Sometimes, when someone we don't really care for stands up to speak, before they even utter a word, eyes are rolled (Oh, I know I'm not the only one).

Does it have to do with how someone presents the information? Like, are they stating it “as, well, you know…” or like, “look at me, I'm smarter than most of you” fashion?

Or does it have to do with the fact that I didn't ask for their opinion, but they always give it anyhow? Or, instead of giving information, it's given in a matter to correct the error in our thinking?

I don't know.

But I think when it comes to teaching or leading, what we know is not as important as what we do. The “Do as I say not as I do” model isn't quite effective as Paul's “Imitate me as I imitate Christ” model.

Jesus didn't just teach with words, but he also taught with action. The dude hung on a cross to teach about sacrificial love. And we all got that message. I mean, him saying that “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friend” is a great teaching, but actually laying down his life for his friends, no one could ignore that. And it changed the lives of those who spent 3 years with him, and in turn, changed the world.

I'd like to say that people aren't that interested in what we know and how much we know. And I like to say that, because it makes me feel a little better about myself, because I'm not the smartest person you'll meet (or the most grammatically correct). But, I think people are more interested in how we apply that knowledge, because we all know that actions speak louder than words.

But smart or not, everyone's important and vital in the Body of Christ. You may be the brains of the Body and others may be the appendages, but that does not limit your value and worth in Christ Jesus. We all have our calling and purpose in God's plan for the world.

So, just do your thing (or thang) for God.

And, next time I run into a Know-it-All, I think it will be good for me to listen before rolling my eyes. There may be something that the brain of the Body might be able to teach me.

 

I Don’t Think I’m a Good “American”

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“Proud to be an American” is a sentiment I never really felt nor really uttered.

“Grateful to live in America?” Yes. “Thankful to be a citizen?” Most def. But proud? I don’t know.

I mean, during world events, like the World Cup, I’m heavily invested in how the South Korean team does more than what Team USA does.

I think part of it may have to do with the fact that I was never led to feel I was “American.” Growing up, I was led to believe that Americans were ‘white’ and since I wasn’t white, which people went out of their way to point out (I mean, dude, I don’t need you to remind me that I’m not white…), I was not American.

When someone asks me “Where are you from?” They’re not really satisfied with my answer.

“I’m from Hawaii.”

“Oh. Did you live anywhere before that?”

“Yea. I used to live in California before Hawaii.”

“Oh. So… were you born in California, or did you move to California?”

“Oh, we moved to California when I was like in 6th grade.”

“I see. Where did you move from?”

“South Carolina.”

And it becomes a fun game for me, because I know they want to know where my motherland is.

If I were viewed as “American,” I feel that the answer of Hawaii or California should suffice. But, it was very evident, throughout my life at least, that I was something dash American. Korean-American. Asian-American. Never just American.

But I think I can say that I am proud of my heritage. So much so, I worry how un-Korean my children will be because I am so Americanized. I want to keep our heritage (and language) alive through generations to come.

Oh, and I own a Korean flag somewhere in my home, but I have never owned an American flag.

This is where some people will start shouting, “Well, go back to your country then!” Right.

So, I think, more than not, this plays in to what bothers me when Americans try to claim God as their own. I think one of the more offensive images I’ve seen of Jesus was Jesus ascending (descending?) to (from) heaven with an American flag draped around him (not the image shown above). I don’t know who the artist loved more: Christ or ‘Merica. And also, why I get really annoyed when Jesus becomes about “truth, justice and the American way.” Which, by the way, is a motto attributed to Superman, not Jesus.

I don’t know how else to say this, but Jesus is not American. And God does not belong to America. I hate to break it to you, Americans aren’t God’s ‘chosen’ people. And to further upset a few: to some Americans, Jesus’ real skin tone was probably a lot darker than they wished it were, because Jesus ain’t white.

Therefore, I always wondered why the American flag had to be present in our sanctuaries throughout our country. And always wondered if other countries have their flags in their sanctuaries.

I mean, we live in a smaller world, meaning that, we have more cultures and countries represented in our pews today than ever before. With technology and the Internet, we are more connected than ever before. And with the melting pot that America is becoming, there are more than just “Americans” present in worship. I’ve always felt that we either have all flags of the world or no flags displayed in our sanctuaries across America.

God is bigger than America. We are doing a sinful thing if we try to contain God within our borders and make him American. We, then, are no longer the created, but become the creator, as we have re-created God’s image after our own.

God’s blessings goes further than America. Yes, God bless America. But, man, America’s been blessed. That’s why regardless of what you may have gathered, I am grateful and thankful that I live in the US of A.

But, when do we start asking, How can America bless God?

Remember, Abraham was blessed to be a blessing to others.

I believe that we are blessed to be a blessing to others and God as well, both individually and collectively, as a nation.

God’s love and grace has no boundaries or borders. It is not limited to one group of people or one country. Christ died for all and loves all. And all means all.

If that makes me unpatriotic and un-American, I can live with that. I’ve been called far worse.

No Worries

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Sunrise 3

Sunrise 3 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Without Easter, our faith-our lives- would be a bit pointless.

Easter- Christ’s resurrection- is the engine that drives Christianity, our faith and our lives. Because of Easter, we have hope. As the song says, “Because he lives, I can face tomorrow. “

Tony Campolo famously preaches about his pastor’s Easter sermon: It’s Friday, but Sunday’s a-comin’. It’s such a great sermon, if you get a chance, here’s an excerpt from the sermon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCQSsUKDYCU.

It often feels like we’re always in the midst of Friday – when Jesus is hanging dead on a cross; when everything that can go wrong, does go wrong and then some…

If we let it, we can let our lives drown in Fridays. We can let our lives be swallowed by the darkness of worries that Friday brings.

Worries of…
…financial security and stability
…job security
…the future
…family life

… and much, much more. Some more serious, some a bit more trivial. But worries, nevertheless.
But here’s the good news of the Gospel: we don’t have to be stuck in Fridays, because Sunday’s a comin’!

Even in the darkest hours of our lives; even in the stormiest of weather, murkiest of waters, and even if we’re lost in the middle of nowhere, Sunday’s a coming.
And with Sunday, with Easter, with the resurrection, Christ brings hope. He brings light to guide us out of the darkness; shelter to protect us from the storms; a raft to help us navigate out of the waters; he gives us the Holy Spirit to guide us back home.

With Easter, comes hope.
With Sunday, we have a risen Savior.
With Sunday, we have a love that conquered death.
With Sunday, we have a love never ending and a hope everlasting.

That is why we can say to one another, “Hey, no worries.” Because for those of us who are lost in Fridays, no worries— Sunday’s a comin’.

Who is Your Neighbor?

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This past Tuesday, our FISH (Feeding Individuals & Sharing Hope) added on a new site for their ministry. The FISH ministry hands out sacked meals and sometimes clothes and toys for families every Thursday evening behind our local K-Mart.

Since I wasn’t part of the brainstorming and visioning and prayer process with FISH, I’m assuming that through their service, they felt that they can do more. Our Emergency Winter Shelter in our Valley is only open for a few months throughout the year, and it closed its doors earlier this month. That means that many more people don’t have a place to eat or sleep during the nights. Since there would be more hungry people, FISH decided that they would go to a different part of our Valley (away from K-Mart) where they felt they can engage a good number of people, and not just families (like on Thursday evenings).

I got to tag along with them on their first excursion out to the Newhall area. When we first arrived, there was no one around the area. Perhaps it was because no one there really knew what we were up to or why we were in their neighborhood, even though the people of FISH had already sent out fliers and let a few people know that we would be in that area on Tuesdays. And it also wouldn’t be a reach to think many didn’t quite trust our presence there. (We were later told that on our fliers, not only should we mention that it’s free but also that no information or identification would be required or asked for. Too many people, we were told, have been rejected services and food because they couldn’t provide the right information, with some even being reported to authorities.)

A small group of us split up to survey the area a bit more. We walked around the neighborhood and you could just tell (and feel) that this was a complete different beat from “AwesomeTown” (our nickname…).

As we turned the corner, I saw a “For Sale” sign for a house that seemed to be right at the heart of this particular neighborhood. I took a moment to survey the homes. They were close together, small… humble, perhaps located in not the best part of town.

And I just heard a voice in my heart say, “If you really want to put your money where your mouth is, you would move into this type of neighborhood.” And I knew immediately that this was going to be a whisper that I’ll try to ignore with all that I am… so much so, that if this was truly God’s will, God would have to beat me into submission…

But I couldn’t help but think that’s how you truly transform a neighborhood – by being a constant presence of God for the people there. Inviting the neighbors into your home. Being invited into theirs. Playing with their kids. Helping one another out. Being in community with them. Allow them to transform us. Being equal, sharing a mutual trust and dependence on one another.

Ugh. But this is what kills me. I. Just. Don’t. Know… if I have the courage. To. Do. This.
Immediately, my mind goes towards the idea of safety. Would I want my kids to grow up in such a neighborhood… to then my mind races towards at the shame of that very thought. Why would my kids be any better than the kids already living here? What makes me worry about my unborn children’s safety more than those who are already living there? What makes my family’s wellbeing better? All because of God’s grace that I can afford to live in an apartment far removed from Newhall?

I’ve had this post on draft for a whole day, debating whether to post it or not. I think my biggest hesitation is that I didn’t want anyone to hold me accountable of this post and make me go and do this.. or let me know that they’re expecting me to do this…
The other side to that was, I realize that I’m, more often than not, critical at others for missing the point and it would only be fair to share how I am purposefully rationalizing myself away from this huge discomfort… how I’m purposefully trying my damndest to “miss the point.”

In my recent devotions, I read the story of the Good Samaritan and kept getting hung up on the Lawyer’s question, “Who is my neighbor?”

At first, I thought about how one of these days, I’d love to serve at a church in the midst of an urban setting and hold a banquet/feast for the neighbors. I thought about how the church can be a real, strong presence for that neighborhood… a moral compass, a source of hope and love and grace, a place of refuge and rest… a presence that is always there in that neighborhood, not just once a week or so. A church that truly serves their neighbors and lives in midst of those very neighbors.

But after Tuesday, the question, “who is my neighbor?” is more daunting than ever.
It seems to be easier to hide behind a church – to say that the church should be a presence that is always there in that neighborhood – because it’s much harder to say that I should be that consistent presence in such a neighborhood.

In all honesty, this could very well be a whisper that I heard in passing and will be all but forgotten.
Or, this could be start of something.. transforming. It very well could be a moment I look back on as a starting point of something.

Either way, I’m scared s***less.

What Do People Know About Your Church?

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When the men came to Jesus, they said, “John the Baptist sent us to you to ask, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?’”
So he replied to the messengers, “Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor.”

When John’s disciples came to ask Jesus if he was the Messiah, Jesus could’ve easily responded with loud rhetoric proving who he is. After all, that’s the style of argument that many use today: the louder you are, the more arguments you’re likely to win.
Or he could’ve come up with a systematic theological statement that we seminary students would dissect and argue over the smallest of words until our face turned a shade of blue mixed with purple and black. (“Well, you’d have to look at the word ‘a’ in its Hebrew and Greek… you know, the original context. Just because the English language uses ‘a’ to describe one thing, that doesn’t mean Jesus would’ve used ‘a’ to describe one thing. Besides, this is 2012 where we use ‘a’ to describe almost everything that is singular. During Jesus’ time, they probably didn’t have an ‘a’ to describe things with.”)

But, Jesus simply told John’s followers to, “Go tell John what you’ve seen and what you’ve heard.” Jesus let his actions do his proving. His work with the blind, the lame, the lepers, the deaf, the dead and the poor was his answer to John’s question.

I’ve always been amused by how people (non-church goers and non-believers) describe a church in their community.

(these are actual things I’ve heard people say)
Oh, that’s the real big church with the new fancy building.
Oh, that’s the weird church that meets over there.
Oh, that’s the church that basically hates anyone who’s not a Republican.
Oh, that’s the church that welcomes gay people.
Oh, that’s the church that’s suing the other church that uses the same building.
Oh, that’s the church where all the socialists go to.
Oh, that’s the church where kids go after school to fight, because the parking lot is hidden from the main street.

I’ve heard church members describe their churches in various ways, too (again, actual things people’ve said).
Oh, we’re a family church.
Oh, we’re a Biblically based church.
Oh, we’re a church with the most amazing choir.
Oh, we’re just a small church hoping to stay open for a few more years.
Oh, we’re a church for people who don’t like church.
And let’s not go into how church-going folks describe other churches in their community.
But, I hope that we, as a church, can soon be known for what we do more than our theology or what we issues we stand for or what sins we require people to repent of.

I want churches to be described as, “Oh yea, that’s the church that serves the homeless.”
“That’s the church in our community trying to help the schools in that struggling neighborhood.”
“That’s the church that throws a banquet for the struggling people within their neighborhood.”
“That’s the church that makes our community a better place to live.”

Or something like that. You know, known more for our actions rather than our rhetoric.
I think if more Church’s took Jesus’ tactic of letting our actions (and not just our words) to show people we are a church, then, perhaps, we’d have less people using church as a scapegoat. We’ve all heard people say things like, “I believe in God, but I don’t believe in church” or “I believe in God, but I don’t need to go to church.” If the church really lived by their actions of unconditional love, then as Francis Chan writes, maybe they’ll say, “I can’t deny what the church is doing, but I don’t think I believe in God.”
If people, who never stepped inside your church, were to describe your church by what they’ve seen and heard, what would they say?
How would they know you by?

Would they even know that you exist?

A Long 3 Days

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Prayer

Prayer (Photo credit: Chris Yarzab)

I’ve felt the prompting to do so a while ago.
But I kept coming up with excuses. Can’t do it right now, because so and so. Some excuses were legitimate, others were not.

The day before I went to the Gungor concert, I arrived at church 7a, sat in my office ready to do some morning devotionals… I opened my Bible and I couldn’t focus. So I grabbed my guitar and went to our sanctuary, and sat behind the big cross in our sanctuary, where the choir sits in our first service.
I sing a lot of my prayers. It makes no sense to me, still, why singing my prayers seem so natural when I’m alone. I’d be thoroughly embarrassed if someone were to walk in on me. But I begin to sing/pray. Things got more intense. And suddenly, I’m no longer aware of where I am, what I’m saying, what I’m doing or what I’m praying. It was the Korean Church in me that started pouring out. When it was all said and done, I walked away with a clear, distinct message: it’s time, no more excuses.

But… I came up with excuses. Of course.

At the Gungor concert, during one of their songs, I heard it again: No more excuses. It’s time.

Well… now might not be the best time…

Then on Sunday, I was listening to the pastor preach about “Practice, Practice, Practice” as we were going through our Lenten Sermon Series (and all-church small group study), The Power of a Whisper by Bill Hybels. In our youth small groups, we talked about practicing to be in the presence of God, and I shared with the youth the importance of spiritual disciplines. Pastor was basically preaching the same message.

Okay. I get it. I hear you. I knew, it’s time. No more excuses.

I hadn’t done a fast for years. I think the last time I actually fasted was in ’09.
God had placed in my heart to do one a while back, and I kept postponing and delaying it making excuse after excuse. (One of the excuses? Well, there’s a dinner meeting I have to go to, so it’ll put a cramp on that week… maybe a little bit later, God.) But after the week I had, I knew that I couldn’t (or shouldn’t) put if off anymore.

So I decided to do a 3-day fast, because I felt that it would be easy.
I entered the fast with 2 specific prayer request.
First and foremost for a child. I’m sharing that only so that those who read this can also remember us in your prayers.
And as odd this next sentence may sound, the second prayer request is a bit more private and personal. I know, I know, more personal than pregnancy prayers? Yes, and we’ll just leave it at that.

I learned a lot about myself in the past 3 days.

Mainly, how much clutter is in my life. Okay, I use the word “clutter” to not sound so uhm… I guess “fundamental”. But, I learned months ago that though my theology is rather moderate, my methodology and how I view worship and church would fit right in with the “evangelicals.” Anyhoo what I’m trying to say is I learned how much sin was in my life.

The biggest sin? Pride and arrogance.
I picked 3 days of fasting over 5, because I thought that it would be easy because I’ve done 3 days fasts before. I took it way too easy and lightly. And I was paying for it.
I have never felt so tired. Never felt so drained in a fast. By the day’s end, I was exhausted.  Perhaps if I approached it with more reverence and humility, it wouldn’t have been as difficult.
Meetings were exhausting. Sitting and listening took so much out of me, I was rather embarrassed. And I know I looked tired and may appeared un-attentive or even disinterested during those meetings. I assure you, I was paying attention and knew what was going on. I apologize for appearing that way. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t hide it or fake it.

I also realized my dependance on things not God.
Caffeine was a big one. Before the first day was half over, I started getting a dull headache and realized it was from the lack of caffeine. The headache wouldn’t go away, so I had to compromise and drink a little bit of caffeinated tea that my wife graciously brewed.

I also try to limit my intake of needless and mindless entertainment. It was difficult to cut back on the Internet because of how I’m always connected to it.

I realized why addiction is a sin: it replaces what God can and should provide.
Funnily enough, yesterday’s devotion from My Utmost for His Highest was about yielding. He wrote:

I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be…When you yield to something, you will soon realize the tremendous control it has over you. Even though you say, “Oh, I can give up that habit whenever I like,” you will know you can’t. You will find that the habit absolutely dominates you because you willingly yielded to it. It is easy to sing, “He will break every fetter,” while at the same time living a life of obvious slavery to yourself. But yielding to Jesus will break every kind of slavery in any person’s life.

Ouch. I read that entry over and over. On the last day, and arguably the toughest, this was my devotional reading.

I think the biggest reason why this was one of the longest 3 days of my life was that I was trying to fight for my independence from God, while depending on other things, which weren’t bad, harmful nor malicious in any way, but took more and more space and priority in my heart, where God should be.
I was yielding to all sorts of things, but reluctant to yield to God. The fact that I felt the nudge to fast last October-ish, and I finally did it this week (in mid-March) was a loud, blaring testament to my (whether subconscious or conscious) fighting for independence from God while looking for other things to depend on. And during these 3 days, I realized how much I needed to depend on God in all things life and ministry, like approaching church meetings depending on God for strength and wisdom.

It’s a very uncomfortable, queasy feeling being confronted by God’s Spirit with the truth. My brother constantly uses the word “jacked”, like “my reading today just jacked me up.” Not in an hyped up way, but in a way that let him know of his brokenness. I finally understand what he means by that. I’ve been convicted by readings before… but this time, this fast kicked my physical and spiritual ass up, down and all over the place.

About two hours before my fast was to end, I found myself home alone. The wife went to pick up groceries to make porridge (the official food to break fast in our family). I didn’t expect this time for myself. But, I took it as a prompting, a whisper if you will.
I grabbed my guitar and just sat, played and prayed.
As I was praying for strength and just obedience… all of a sudden, Psalm 51 came to mind. And I begin to pray that. “Create in me a new heart and renew your steadfast spirit in me.”

I need(ed) to yield to God more. Actually, I need to learn how to yield only to God. So much easier said than done.

While I entered the fast with my own agendas (pride/arrogance, again) God had a lesson to teach me.
My eyes are now open. So are my heart and soul.
However, I know how dense, dull and thick-headed I am. Six months from now, it is very, very possible that I may go through this again. And I’m giving myself more credit than deserved by saying “Six months from now.”

But I’m hoping and praying that this lesson stays with me for the rest of my life. I don’t want to re-learn it, at least not this way.

As I was ready to go to sleep without being hungry, I was just overwhelmed with gratitude.
I just saw how blessed I truly am. I mean, I knew and know that we are really blessed, but I don’t know. It just.. was overwhelming to know that I have a home. A job. A staff that I absolutely adore. A wife that I don’t have enough words to describe how awesome she is. Parents and Parents in-law who pray to tears over and for us. A brother who I can learn from, but don’t admit to him that I learn stuff from him here and there. Friends and colleagues. Insurance.
I am truly blessed and in a place and situation where I can, in return, bless God by loving the very people that God loves.

As for the 2 prayer requests I went in with.
A part of me hoped that somehow, someway my fasting can move God to make it happen already. All I kept hearing was, “wait.” How much longer? And why? I have no idea.

But, I should apply the lesson I learned, and just yield to God.

I’m (re-)beginning to see and really understand how much easier life can be if we stop fighting and just yield to God, and God alone. And how easy it is to always fight and think I know better. But, yielding to God and only to God leads to the most fulfilling life we can live.

How fitting, that the last song I hear as I’m finishing this post is Gungor’s Every Breath where the song ends with:
Here I am Lord, All I am Lord
Here I am Lord
I am yours…