Tag Archives: Pastor

Son of a Preacher Man

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So there we were, at a table filled mostly with people we had just met. We were at a restaurant with my brother in-law’s church folks.

We had (accidentally) revealed to his friends that my wife was a PK (pastor’s kid) therefore, outing him as a PK. The guy sitting directly in front of me, his eyes widen and said, “Me, too!”

To which, I had to interject and say, “Well, yea actually, me too.”

He and I had made eye contact after our confession and in that fleeting instant– there was a mutual understanding, a “I feel you, bro” type of deal. And in that instant, we bonded.

I don’t know what it’s like for non-Korean PKs, but for us Korean PKs, regardless of denomination, when we learn what our fathers do– there’s an instant connection. We know what our fathers and mothers have gone through. Or more truthfully, we know what our fathers and mothers have suffered through. A lot of times, more our mothers than our fathers. We know the crap that Korean PKs are unfortunately dragged through. We know the immense amount of pressure and expectation that would drive an adult crazy, placed on us, as teenagers who are still trying to discover who we are, especially outside the context of being the “preacher’s kid.”

So, we rebel. Often, because we have to. It’s the only way we can exercise whatever little control we may have in our lives.

Be at Sunday school. Be at Sunday evening’s worship gathering. Be at the Wednesday evening service. Homework? Bring it with you. Teach the younger kids. Bow to this person. Bow to that person. Don’t talk that way. Don’t eat that in front of the church people. Don’t chew gum. Don’t wear that. Don’t wear this. Wear that. Don’t say this. Say that. Be good. No, be perfect.

You know, it might be bearable if those expectations only came from our parents. But those expectations come from the entire church.They seemingly expect us to be flawless — like Jesus was, apparently at the age of 12 when he was with the religious leaders.

Korean parishioners place immense amount of expectations on their pastors. I like to believe it’s out of the sentiment, “Since I can’t live that way, my pastor should.”

Many Korean churches seem to not understand the concept of grace.

In my first appointment (at an Anglo church), on a Sunday morning, my (then) senior pastor opened the worship service with a quick note.

“My son is not feeling well today,” he explained. “So my phone is on, and if he calls me, I’m going to have to go home. If that’s in the middle of the service, Joseph will take care of the rest.”

I remember how foreign that sounded. “Wow! Can he do that?”

Try pulling that in the Korean church.

“Is your kid dying? No? Then finish up here.” (Of course, I’m exaggerating. I think…)

It’s almost like the way our parents treated school attendance.

“You sick? You dying? No? K, you go school! What? You no feel leg? You have two! Use other one! Now go school!!!!”

Or maybe our rebellion can be a cry for attention. We know that we’ll get our parents’ attention if we do something crazy.

Sure, I never rebelled by doing “bad” things –like smoking, drugs, knocking someone up. But I did do bad things. Like, when I had to babysit church kids on a Wednesday evening church service, my friend and I picked 3 kids (each), and made them fight/wrestle as if they were pokemon and we were pokemon trainers. And, of course, there was strategy in which kid we picked to battle. No one got seriously hurt. Someone did end up having a bite mark… but, I can neither confirm or deny that it was result of a battle.

That’s one of the few things I feel comfortable sharing…

Eli’s story in 1 Samuel always fascinated me. Here was this priest of Israel yet, his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas were just horrible people. “Scoundrels” the Bible described them, who had “no regard for the Lord.”

In today’s culture, there are two reasons, I believe, why PKs can grow up with absolutely no regard for God.

The first is how the congregation treats their father, the pastor. If the kid continues to witness their father being treated so miserably with such disrespect by the very people of God and church, how do you reconcile the love of Christian with the graceless, mean-spirited people of the church?

During a church meeting, my dad got punched in the face. The love of God must’ve been so present in that meeting. The story in a nutshell was that this person was willing to donate a huge sum of money to the church in exchange for his son be an elder at the church. My dad refused, saying that is not how things work and that you cannot buy your way into leadership position. That’s not the answer the man wanted to hear.

I learned this story decades after it had happened. I don’t know how I would’ve reacted seeing that. I would be too young (under 11) to do anything, or possibly too young to even comprehend the event that I would’ve just witnessed. But I’m sure it would’ve affected me in some way.

Andy Stanley said he was 13 when he saw his father (a pastor) get punched during a meeting. “I wanted to kill [that man]” Andy writes in his new book, Deep & Wide.

The other reason, and I think this is the one that’s more impactful, is how the pastor is at home– the man behind pulpit is a complete different man behind closed doors.

Here’s this person preaching about honesty, integrity, grace, love and all that other Jesus stuff. But at home, he beats his kids. Maybe even his wife. Verbally abuses everyone. Cheats and lies.

How do you reconcile that man behind the pulpit, the one everyone calls “pastor” with the man behind closed doors, who you call “dad”?

The inconsistency might play a number in the psyche of the child. It might be different if the pastor was consistent. Even if it was consistently bad. He’s a jerk behind the pulpit and in front of the church. He’s a jerk at home to everyone else. He picks fights with parishioners. He picks fights with everyone at home. I think we could deal with that. At least he’s consistent. At least I know who he is and where he stands. He’s consistently a jerk. There’s no cognative dissonance there. He’s mean at home. He’s mean at church. He’s mean in public.

Who knows if either of these scenarios were in play for Eli’s two sons.

But, man, it’s hard being a PK.

It’s hard when everyone in the church judges you and expects you to be Christ himself as a teenager rather than love you.

It’s hard when your behavior may affect your father’s job.

At the same time, I don’t think that means our parents — our fathers, never loved us.

Who knows how I will balance who I am as a pastor, who I am as a husband and who I will be as a father. The last thing I want to do is live my life in such a way that God becomes a stench to my children’s noses and end up having no regard for the Lord.

And while I’m not quite consistent or always follow through on this belief, I believe the most important ministry we ever engage begins at home. And that goes for all Christians (and people of any faith).

I think I had a fairly good balance growing up — something I am grateful for, looking back. I have a good role model to model myself after in my dad.

But, wherever I go, no matter how old I get, I think I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for PK’s, particularly kids whose parents serve at an immigrant Korean church.

There seems to be a special connection that we all have… even if it is founded upon pain….

I Have Mad Ninja Skills For Hiding From Parishioners

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There are many things about my personality and who I am that I need to work on and change for the sake of ministry (and to be a better person). One of the more pressing one is that I need to start liking people. Er, talking to people. Or to be more specific, talking to church people outside of church.

It’s weird. I have no qualms of running into people (both strangers and people I know) at coffee shops, like a Starbucks. Maybe it’s because I think of Starbucks as an extension of my office. So I’m still technically “working.” And I don’t ever recall, since college, where I went to Starbucks to not “work.”

So the other day, I was walking to get some lunch by myself when from a distance I saw a parishioner. What did I do? Turned around and went the complete opposite way. Why? I have no idea. I mean, it’s not like they were going to ask me to join them for lunch. It would’ve just been a “hey, how’s it going” and “have a great lunch” and maybe even “what are you eating/going to get?” type of short exchange. But I completely avoided them.

But I do that. All. The. Time.

And, I never get caught. Why? Because I’m Asian. And much like how all of us have taken some form of martial arts at some point of our lives, we are also born with some innate ninja skills. Some more than others. Like myself.

I’m a master of hiding behind aisles and displays at a grocery store. I have mastered (from an early age) of hiding behind people and things like trees, cars, shopping carts, and any other inanimate object. (I have to admit, as I got taller, I had to get more creative. Or get a lot lower…)

I may have perfected these innate skills growing up, as I spent a lot of my teenage years avoiding my dad’s church members everywhere I went. I mean everywhere. I would always keep a peripheral view of my surroundings to make sure there was no church member. Why? Because they were always so nosy. And annoying. If I were with a girl, they’d call my mom and who that girl hanging out with me was. Sometimes, I would “forget” to tell my mom who I was hanging out with. So naturally, she’d be really curious who that girl was. And the conversation would always end with, “Is she your girlfriend? You can’t have girlfriend right now. You have school. Is she Korean? You marry only Korean girl.”

If I were wearing some ragged clothes or what not, they’d somehow think that they’re my mother and start criticizing what I wear. And then, of course, they would tell my mom what horrible outfit that they saw me in. Not only would they tell my mom, they’d start telling everyone about my shennigans and what not. And for those who didn’t like my dad, I would serve as their ammo to go on a tirade about how out of control the pastor’s family is and if he can’t control his family, how could he run the church, yada, yada, yada. (Do any other ethnic PKs [pastor's kids] have to deal with things like this?)

So running into church people would always be so annoying and taxing.

Unless we were eating. Because church members would often pick up the pastor’s tab. Which made my dad not want to go out and eat at places that were popular amongst the church people. Actually. You know, my dad doesn’t like running into church people outside of church, too. Although, it may not be as extreme as me.

It’s just painfully humorous the lengths I’ll go to hide from church folks in the middle of a Wal-Mart. And, sadly, I’m equally proud of myself when I am successful. (And I’m always successful. I never get “caught.” I just sometimes decide that I should man up and go say “hi.”)

While I know that I can’t be the only clergy who feels like this, I know that I may be one of the few who actually goes out of his/her way to hide. And I need to start really working on that.

Maybe a part of it is because I don’t want to always be in “pastor mode.” Maybe I just want to be goofy and inappropriate and laugh at tasteless jokes and watch questional movies that I know will have me laughing, but might not be appropriate for a “pastor.” And, when I see someone who knows me as a pastor, there’s an invisible switch that needs to be flipped on. Or maybe, I’m just lazy (a known and proven problem).

Whatever the reason, I need to put my ninja skills to a different use instead of hiding from parishioners. There’s no harm in talking to parishioners outside of the church.

Heck, it’s possible that they’re avoiding me as much as I’m avoiding them. But each moment can be a holy and God moment. And I shouldn’t go out of my way to avoid such moments.

As I’m writing this, outside of my favorite Starbucks, I just made eye contact with a church member who was at the store next door. Whoop. And now they’re walking over.

God, you’re real funny sometimes.

 

Email to ThinkGeek.com Customer Service

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long story short: my wife bought me this bag for like my 30th birthday. it broke once, they sent me a new one. the same problem occurred with the replacement, and this time, they said there wasn’t much they could do about it. I actually really do like this product, so without any hope of a resolution that favors me, I sent the following email, hoping for the best.

Dear RJ,
I’ve been meaning to get back to you. This is regarding the Bag of Holding, which I want to restate, I absolutely heart.
It’s perfect for me to carry around my macbook, iPad and some Christian/church stuff that I need when I go to my real office (read: Starbucks). It also allows ample room to carry around my headphones and this awesome pencil case that my wife lets me use. (picture attached). I’ve grown to love it. Yes, I know it’s various shades of pink. And yes, if you can tell, that’s a butterfly at the end of the pencil case. You can’t get anymore Korean than that. I’m comfortable in my masculinity to carry around such a case. But I digress.

After our last exchange of emails, which were in September, to be honest, I was left unhappy. I was stuck with a bag that I couldn’t use and the only help that I got was “go check out this youtube video.”
I told myself, eventually, I will go and check that out.
Btw, I feel like this might become a story. I apologize in advance of wasting your precious time.

But, the Fall hit. Then Thanksgiving. And if you may not know, Thanksgiving to Christmas time is a crazy, crazy time for us pastors. I don’t know, I guess something that has to do with the Savior being born, blah blah blah. (I kid… I don’t want to be struck by lightening… if God’s into that stuff… which at this point, you may be asking… “aren’t you a pastor? shouldn’t you know?” Well, I don’t. And don’t listen to people who claim they do.)

So, things got so busy, I wasn’t able to quickly act upon your suggestion from our last exchange of emails.
I did, however, since I needed something transport the load of crap (er… and my Bible and God stuff…) from home to office to my other office (Starbucks) dig up an old backpack to serve as a transitional bag. It’s a Dakine bag that a bunch of whiney, sweaty, smelly and entitled teenagers got for me for my birthday in 2007. They were my former youth kids, and despite how I just described them, I love them deeply. Well, sort of. Most of them. Some of them. No, no all of them. I love all of them. Yes.

So for 3-4 months, I’ve lugged things around in that backpack. Now, I don’t know if you can tell by my picture, if you looked at it… I’m actually 31 years old. But… I look like I’m 17. Carrying that Dakine backpack… which is your traditional, two straps over both shoulders type of backpack… people begin to think that I was a student. I don’t mind looking young, but I don’t want to get carded for wanting to watch a rated-R movie or get hassled when (very once in a while) I want to just hangout with my wife with perhaps an adult beverage (read: root beer for some). It also begin to bug my wife a bit, because they would card me and not her… I reassured her that since they saw my ID and saw that I was 31, they may figured she was around my age… I don’t think she quite bought it.

The other side to that is, my father recently suggested that I go buy a “grownup” briefcase, because I’m 31 years old. So, my wife and I went around shopping for a grownup’s briefcase. Like a leather messenger bag. We found one that we both liked… I think it was made by Kenneth Cole… two problems. 1) it was expensive. I mean, it was cheaper than the other bags… but I couldn’t just justify spending $120 on a bag. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but pastors usually don’t make bank. Unless they’re stealing from the church or written a New York Times Bestseller. I have done neither. Yet.

2) It was just a too big of a step. Yes, I don’t want to look like I’m in high school or a recent high school graduate, but committing to a leather briefcase made me feel like I’d have to start actually acting my age. Or looking my age. Which means no more wearing a bunch of t-shirts that my wife got from thinkgeek. Or reading graphic novels in public. Or admitting to anyone that I still occasionally watch Monday Night Raw. Oh, who am I kidding? I try to catch it every week… Did you know that Chris Jericho’s back? Oh. You don’t know who that is? Neither do I…

So for the past 3 months, I’ve been carrying around my books and equipment in the Dakine backpack that my lovely former youth students got me. I don’t think I’m much of a sweater, but I often walk from church office to Starbucks (which is a 5-7 minute walk) but at the end of the walks, I’d have this sweat spot from the backpack. It can be rather embarrassing.

Needless to say, I ashamedly miss your product.
So the other day, I brought it out and went to the youtube site that you sent me on how to fix the zippers. The youtube link that you gave me did not necessarily pertain to my situation. The zipper on my bag has not fallen off nor has it been damaged. So, I youtubed other various videos on zippers. (You can find anything on youtube…). I spent an hour trying to fix that zipper. An hour. RJ, like you, I’m a busy man. Okay, fine. I’m more of a “look busy so no one bothers you” type of man.

But the end result of the research is that I have a Bag of Holding that still has a non-functioning zipper.
And, now I’m truly at a lost.
I love the bag, especially that it can hold stuff. And lots of it.

More importantly, it’s a gift that was given to me, not by just anyone, but by my wife. And everything my wife gives me, I hold dear, as evidenced by the pink, butterfly pencil case I take with me everywhere. Having stuff she gives me accompany me everywhere I go is, in a sense, a way for her presence to be with me everywhere I am. Or more importantly, a reminder to behave and not embarrass her.

Anyway, RJ, I shared with you in the last email that I know I’m way past your return policy. I’m sending you this email as a desperate hail mary heave. “What can hurt by asking?” my wife always says. Well, for starters, my pride when people like you end up rejecting me and my requests.

But in all seriousness, I hope that something can be done. I do love your Bag of Holding and all of the products that people get me. Your catalogs serve as a great bathroom reader. (TMI? My bad…)

I’ll be waiting for your response.
Sorry that this email got a little long. Thanks for your time, RJ, sincerely.
I hope to hear from you soon!


 

The Blog’s Good for My Mind, but the Journal is Good for My Soul…

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I like updating my blog because it gives me a venue to share my thoughts, ideas, observations among other things (granted, no one asked me to share these things…).

It also helps continue thoughts that I couldn’t share in a sermon because it would take too much time and focus away from the heart of the message.

And well, honestly, it’s nice to have a soap box to stand on, even if no one’s around to hear the opinions coming from the one standing on this soap box. It’s just nice to know there is one.

And it’s been an interesting journey for me, blogging. I’ve had many since my college days, starting with Xanga. Then I moved on to blogspot and started many different types of blogs (the best one being a bit exaggerated sagas of my personal life). Then in 2006, I started this one, with the intent that it was going to reflect who I am as a person, a child of God and as a pastor.

Over the years, I’ve had some decent post, but mostly some hodgepodge of thoughts that were okay at best.
I’ve had interesting comments made by people, some that I had to delete. One person called me out on my “inappropriate” language on this blog, especially since I’m a pastor, to which I simply replied, “uh… you don’t have to read my blog…”

Overall, I really enjoy blogging. And yea, maybe it often serves as a small ego boost here and there.
I wish I could provide solid content without the grammatical errors that drive my wife (and perhaps you) crazy mad. Meh, I’d be content with solid content.

However, since a very young age, at the suggestion (read: command) of my parents, I kept a journal.
The early entries started out with, “Today was a bad day. Mom made me clean my room. I just want to play outside. She’s Mom, why can’t she clean my room? I have better things to do. If she wants it clean, I think she should clean instead of making me. I’m happy with the way my room is.” and (thankfully) the entries got deeper as I matured.

Oh, I also once discovered that my parents were reading my journal, so I kept a dummy journal out in the open, but kept the real journal hidden where I could write things like what I just shared with you without the fear of repercussions.

Whereas the blog may be where I share intellectual thoughts, the journal is where I pour my soul into. It’s filled with joy, anger, praise, worry, anxiety, discontent, unhappiness, frustration, complaints, hopes, fears, mundane thoughts and descriptions…
I write about my day, where I am spiritually, where I’m lacking, where I need to start lacking…
I complain about things and people in church, and yes, I use real names so that years from now I can still hold a grudge against you. (Kidding.) If someone were to obtain this, I think it could jeopardize my job at the Church (that’s right, not just my local church but the Church church).

I like going back and reading my entries.
At times I’m thoroughly embarrassed of my reactions and interpretations of certain events. Being years removed and able to see what I wrote without highly charged emotions, I can say “Yea… I totally overreacted.”

At times, I’m (and please hear [er... read] me without thinking I’m arrogant) rather pleased with myself with how I handled a situation or interpreted certain actions of people and say, “Yea… I’d handle it the same way today.”

There are times where I see that I’ve come a long way and other times where I realized I haven’t changed at all. There are times where I see that certain scars are (surprisingly) still there and I still need to work on healing them. The writing also has served as therapy or as the necessary buffer before responding to someone (given that I have time between events and confrontation). Writing out my honest-to-God feelings and emotions help me (most of the times) to get most of the strong emotions out of the way and approach the situation with a cooler head.

I think every pastor, nay every person, should keep a daily journal.
For me, keeping a journal has helped me mature and grow. It has helped me to get to know myself a little bit more, as strange as that may sound.
It’s good to know how I handled past situations to help me deal with current situations. It’s rewarding to see how I have grown and eye-opening to see where I still need to work on. And it’s fun to see my past-self from the eyes of my current-self.

Now, if anyone were to find my journal… I think I’d be in trouble…

Church People Say the Darndest Things (Christmas Card Edition)

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So today, I received the Christmas card that you see above. I thought it was a bit weird that it had no return address. Nevertheless, I opened it and read what was in the card, which I want to share with you.

Joe,
Came to service when you did a sermon. We were shocked that you were envious of your wife’s new toy! So petty. Then to state your only a youth pastor!! Found out that’s what you hired for -dud. Then to say- your other friends are – full pastors. Gee. Envious again? Perhaps if you didn’t say 3 words and stop – then continue would help us not fall asleep or want to throw up. So many many pauses. It’s as if your brain is short circuited. Perhaps a speech class would help you or even your wife could help you do full sentences. Listen to your self and for 2012 you CAN improve. Really. What’s with all the hand rubbing too? Sweat? Do you go over your sermon before giving them? Wasn’t impressed. Not happy with your youth, get a new job. We’ll try again to come back for the other guy. 

(I copied the letter word for word, so the grammatical errors are not mine. Though in the following paragraphs you may find some errors. Those are mine, unfortunately).
I guess that’s having my ass handed to me on a Christmas card.
I shared this with my wife and a couple of people on staff. And I don’t think they found as much humor in it than I did. I think they may have been a bit more upset than I was. Which kinda made me feel bad.
But, really I feel thankful that they felt that way, really. I mean, it would be pretty funny if I showed that to my senior pastor and he said, “Yea. About that… I think they raise some good points.”

But, I honestly found the card to be hilarious.

The good thing is, my ego is big enough, and I’m self confident enough that this didn’t phase me at all.
The bad thing is, I have a big ego and can be a tad bit full of myself.
The good thing is, I have become good at ignoring people’s comments, whether it’s praise or criticism. (My football coach once told me, “Don’t let success go to your head and don’t let failure go to your heart.” I’m sure that wasn’t his quote, but it stuck in my heart).
The bad thing is I have become good at ignoring people’s comments. Now, there are a few people that I would take their words to heart and really listen to them and try to apply what they are trying to impart on me.
The church staff. My family. My good friends. A few church members.
But honestly, majority of what people say, especially their praises and compliments goes in one ear and out the other. Which is good and bad, I have to admit.

My favorite part of this card was that it was on a Christmas card! With the inside saying, “Wishing you all the Joy of the Season and a Happy New Year!”
The person handwritten it, so something about me didn’t sit well with him. At all. Obviously.

And, I think I let Rob Bell influence my preaching style more than I was aware of (or maybe willing to admit.) Because. Rob. Bell. Pauses. A. Lot. To. Drive. His. Point. Home.

And his books

sometimes, look like this

where a few words occupy one line

even if it’s not a complete sentence

therefore, probably wasting a lot more paper than he would need to.

With all that said, it’s probably good to take note how I may be completely misunderstood in my sermon. (click here for the audio of that sermon, if you want. But beware, you may fall asleep or feel like throwing up. I do not take any responsibility of how you may react to the sermon, my voice or the delivery style.)
I started the sermon out with the 10th commandment, “Thou shall not covet” and went into how I covet more than I’d like to admit. Like my wife’s new toy, which was an iPhone 4. Then, coveting my colleagues “jobs” or where they are at their careers. Leading into how we may start thinking the grass is greener on the other side. But, really, the grass is greener where we water it. And that I am trying to find contentment in where I am in my life, because I’m so thoroughly blessed. Then borrowing from Rob Bell, I ended the sermon with the 10th commandment and how some Rabbis said that the 10th commandment is also a reward; that if we live the first 9 commandments faithfully, that if we were to live in God’s plans and dreams that He has for us, we wouldn’t want to be anyone else. We wouldn’t want to covet. And how I hope to live a life like that.

But, people will always hear what they want.
There’s nothing more I can do. Really.
Although, the wife points out that I make tons of grammatical mistakes, both in my writing and in my speaking. And… I can’t really use the English-is-my-second-language excuse anymore.

But it is what it is.
I initially read the card, laughed and threw it in the trash next to the apartment’s mail center. Then a few minutes later, I regretted throwing away the card, so I went back to the trash can to retrieve it. I felt like I was holding onto some sort of ministry comedy gold… or at least a future sermon illustration

Whether good or bad, I have never really gave concern about who likes me and who doesn’t. Of course, there are certain people who I want to earn the respect of, and who I want to like me.

But at the end of the day, I’d like to say that  my concern isn’t focused on whose side I’m on or whose on my side. I don’t worry about who likes me or who doesn’t like me.
But I want to focus on, I want to make sure that I’m on God’s side and that I am obedient to what God is calling me to do.
And often times, I found that focusing on that helps me to be a better pastor, Christian and a person.

Hopefully, if that family does come back, they’ll like the “other guy.”
…but I’m not holding my breath because whether my senior pastor wants to admit or not, we’re similar.
And that’s a good thing. For him. :P

Did You Know That Your Pastor Has ESP?

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Oh. You didn’t?
Well that’s good, because we don’t.

I’ve noticed something curious as I mature in my vocation.
There are some people out there who just expect the pastor to know.
Know what?
I don’t know. But we, as pastors, should just know.

And when we don’t know, people get upset with us.
Do you know what I’m talking about? You don’t? Well, you should know.

I think the most silly (frustrating) thing is, when someone is sick, and they don’t let anyone know they’re sick, and yet still complain that the pastor has not called them once.

Now. If you called the pastor or left a message at the office, you have every right to complain and be upset that the pastor never called or visit.
But if you never called the pastor or the church office, chances are, we pastors may never find out.
Sure, you might have let everyone else in the congregation know, but there’s still a chance that no one tells the pastor.

I think there may be two reasons for this. One, people don’t know what exactly a pastor does. Maybe they think that pastors just sit around their office and wait for the phone to ring. For their Sunday sermons, pastors just make it up as they go along, because it may often feel like that. So, since the pastor has all the time in their hands, they should know when a parishioner stubs their big toe against a coffee table.

Or.
They just don’t want to bother the pastor because they think the pastor’s too busy, they’re too embarrassed, etc.
But here’s the thing, at least for me, I’m always honored that you called and want me to stop by the hospital. I want to visit you. I want to make sure you’re okay. I call as soon as I can, when I find out you’re sick. I try to make it to the hospital as soon as I can, when you let me know you’re there. At best, I want to be there to talk story and see how you’re doing. At worst, I go, because it’s part of my job. But it’s part of my job I like.

Just because we’re pastors, we don’t have a direct line to God. God doesn’t often work that way. Sometimes God does, but not all the time.
And we don’t know what people don’t tell us. We’re not mind readers. Believe it or not, we’re human beings. Yes, even those pastors who think they’re the ultimate gift from God… they’re still a human being. No super powers. A super ego, maybe.
So please, let us know how to serve you better. We can be more efficient if we find out from the source than through the grapevines.

Besides.
You wouldn’t want the pastor to have ESP. We’ll know so much about you. Like how much you really can give in offering. ;)

Things That Happen At Starbucks

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“So, with all those books and that bible, you a pastor somewhere?”
“Yea, I’m one of the pastors at Valencia United Methodist Church on McBean, right across the street from Henry Mayo Hospital.”
“Methodist, huh?”
Crap. I started to think that this conversation wasn’t going to go well. Never mind that I was deeply into my reading. But the conversation continued.
He asked, “How long you’ve been a pastor?”
“I’ve been doing this for almost 10 years now.”
“10 years? Wow. How old are you?”
“30.”
“You’re kidding! You look like you’re barely a teenager.”
*Groan. Yes, I have boyish charms. Get over it. But I was polite. “Yea, I get that a lot.”
“Well, I’m fixing to be a pastor too.”
“Oh really?”
“Yea, I’ve felt the call to go into ministry and help people.”
“What were you doing before that?”
“I was an accountant. Been doing that for 20 odd years, but I just felt the call to go into ministry. Heading out to seminary in a couple of months.”

“That’s a drastic change of profession. What made you decide to pursue the call into ministry?”
“Well, you know, I feel like we need to teach the world salvation! And how much of a sinner we all are! I’m sure you agree with me, but you know, the love of Christ is the only thing that can save us. And I feel like I can reach more people as a pastor serving the church. Work with people in the church and get to them to bring more people to the church!”

I should’ve just left it alone, but something in me spoke on my behalf. It wasn’t me…
“But, I’m assuming that you didn’t work at a Christian accounting firm or bank, right?”
“No, it was secular. A few believers here and there, but mostly non-believers.”
“So… then… if I may, why would you leave such… a great opportunity to really share the message of God’s love to people who really need it, who you see everyday, who you work with… and go to work with the already churched, those who know God? Wouldn’t you as the accountant Christian have more of a chance to reach people who need to hear the Word of God, rather than you the pastor Christian?”

*Silence*
*Silence turns into awkwardness*

…I think I offended him.
“Can’t shake the call.”
“I hear you.”

Then he wished me well, and I him, and he left. It was a real awkward way to end a conversation. You’d think I’d be used to awkward situations, considering how many times my awkward-self gets into them… but it was awkward.

This conversation happened almost a month ago.
If the roles were reversed, and after hearing the question of why leave to be a professional pastor, I would’ve responded with, “Then why are you a pastor? Why are you working at a church?”

To which, I wouldn’t know how to respond, either.
But I have been thinking about that question that was never asked.
And I can’t really come up with a satisfactory answer.

Is a “professional” pastor necessary in our times today?

The best I can come up with is, yes.
But, I am strongly inclined to believe that a pastor that only engages her congregation…
A pastor who only stays in his study in the office…
A pastor who does not know or understand the heartbeat of the community the church is in the midst of…

Those kinds of pastors are now outdated. And, yes… irrelevant, even.
I think, those of us who chose the path of clergy, must always remember that we are appointed to not just the church family, but the community that our church family resides in.

I didn’t mean to belittle or question the man’s calling into ministry.
I should’ve prefaced that question by telling him it’s something that I’m struggling with.

But in a time where church attendance is dropping, where people are finding church less and less important, the questions poised by Adam Hamilton this weekend, has been ringing in my heart for a while,
“Why do people need Jesus?”
“Why do people need Church?”
“Why do people need the church that I am serving at?”

Summer With an Intern

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This summer, our church had an intern through the Transgenerational Ministry.
The intern was a former youth student of mine when I was in Hawaii. And he stayed with us in our tiny apartment for the duration of his internship (a looooong 6 1/2 weeks. Heh.)

It’s been a full week since he’s been gone.
I can’t say that I really miss Dae, but it’s a bit boring without him here.

For Dae’s sake, I was glad that he was able to do his internship in a non-Korean church. He’s been part of a Korean church all his life, and his leadership skills and organizational experience is all rooted in the Korean church culture. For him to see something that’s definitely not Korean, I hope it was every bit helpful, as it may have been frustrating here and there.

It was weird to be his on-site “mentor.” I think I may have damaged his ego and pride and feelings more than helping him. Hey, all the jokes I made at him, he deserved it. And, I only kid because I love…

In all seriousness, being his on-site “mentor” was a bit weird. The other on-site pastors who hosted interns were far more experienced and gifted in ministry than I am and those guys are people I look up to in ministry.
But here was this kid, shadowing mostly me, throughout the summer.

We had real great conversations throughout the internship.
I tried to share with him whatever experiences, insights, knowledge I had gain so far in my short ministerial career. I shared with him the hardships and the joys that come with ministry. I shared with him the amount of frustrations that I faced in both Korean church and anglo-churches.

And in all these, I didn’t scare him away from ministry, yet.

I also realized, how important it was for me to actually follow through and live up to the advices and suggestions that I was sharing with him. They say that the person that receives the most from a sermon is the preacher him/herself.

I felt the most important thing that I could share with him right now in these times of my life was for him to not focus on the results or the lack of, to not get stressed about the results or the lack of, because most of the times, we don’t know the type of impact we may have had on the church until we are long gone. And, especially in a Korean church, where numbers are a primary indicator of good results, when the amount of people who show up don’t meet up to the numbers we envisioned our heads, then we can only walk away feeling like we have failed. Instead of focusing on the end results all the time, it might be beneficial to focus on the journey that God has on right now. To see where we are, where we may be going, not just what the end would hold for us.

I’m learning more and more, it’s about the journey.
I feel that we often put too much emphasis on the results, and not focus on the journey enough.

I also got to share with him how one of my former senior pastors berated me by telling me that there is no joy in ministry. That there is no such thing as a happy pastor. That we’re not in this for joy or happiness.

I wanted to make sure that Dae knew that there is plenty of joy in ministry. There is plenty of love, joy and grace, because we serve a God that is full of love, joy and grace.

While I wish I could take credit for the leader Dae is turning out to be, since I was his pastor and his on-site mentor, I know that’s an asinine thing to think.

What I am, though, is honored and humbled to have been part of his journey, as he continues to search for his purpose and role in God’s kingdom.

I think our staff and the church saw that God was definitely calling him into ministry, and that God has a special plan for Dae.

He and I have talked about/joked about/dreamed about planting a church together or being involved in ministry together in the near future.

I promise to be a bit more nicer and more affirming, if we ever get to work together. But, he has to get that Hawaii Slowness out of his system. Haha. Hopefully spending the entire summer in the mainland helped with that.

Dae,
It was great to have you stay with us throughout the summer. You know that our home is open to you whenever. I hope that, not only did you learn a lot, but that you also had a lot of fun. We all see God’s calling in your life. We can all see that God has a special hold on you and has something planned for you. So go do your thing, brah. Or more like, go do God’s thing in you. Just don’t talk to Pastor John that much, because he might want to replace me with you. Hah.

Good hunting.

Things That Happen at Starbucks

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The Starbucks store at 1912 Pike Place. This i...

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I was sitting outside of a Starbucks with my (new) favorite drink, a grande iced coffee with vanilla and soy, enjoying the sunny (and still cool) California morning, and working on a short talk that I had to give later in the afternoon.

A family of four came to sit at the only other available table outside. I had my headphones on, and couldn’t hear exactly what the boy asked me, but I figured he just needed one of the extra chairs for his table, so I just nodded, only to see him sit directly across from me. At my table.

That’s kinda weird, I thought.
But, I let him concentrate on his breakfast, and I concentrated on my notes.
About a minute later, his parents went inside to eat, leaving their son and daughter outside to eat, therefore, leaving plenty of room at his original table, which now was occupied by only his sister. But the boy stayed at my table, contently eating his bagel and drinking his naked juice.
That’s weirder, I thought.

“That’s a nice iPad” he said.
Oh. Now he’s talking to me.
“Thanks.”

But he kept looking at me, waiting, expecting some sort of conversation to continue.

This is awkward, I thought. How do I continue a conversation with a boy I never met, who can’t be more than 13 years old, without looking or coming off as… you know… weird?

Found out that the boy was 10, and his sister was 12 and that they were from England, touring California, on the way to Wyoming (For some reason, that helped me understand his invasion of my “personal desk bubble”).
We had a nice little conversation about Chelsea and our mutual dislike for Manchester United.
I told both of them that I liked their accent, to which they both looked at me and said, “What accent?” Ah. Oops. I have the accent to them.

He then wanted to know what I did for a living, so I told him that I was a pastor.
He looked at me and asked, “Pastor? What’s that?”

I actually didn’t know how to answer that.

“I… uh… work at a church.”
He seemed satisfied with that answer. but I wasn’t. The conversation moved on to their plans and I got to meet his parents, and they were asking me things to do in Hollywood, but my mind was still on the boy’s question.

I’ve never been asked what a pastor is. I’ve been asked what a pastor does (So what exactly do you do outside of Sundays?), but never what a pastor is.

I also thought about other conversations with people who learned that I was a pastor, “A pastor? Wow, you seem so young to be one” is the common response that I seem to get.

There seems to be a misunderstanding, or not knowing exactly, what a pastor is amongst people who don’t go to church. And what they may picture a pastor to be, seems disconnected with what a pastor really does.

So, all weekend, I’ve been asking myself, what is a pastor? What is my role in church and community? Who am I as a pastor? What is it that I do? What is it that I need to do?
And, what can I do to help non-church goers understand the role of the pastor, and help break some stereotypes? One common thing being that pastors are old. I guess the UMC doesn’t help with that stereotype, considering that clergy under the age of 35 make up less than 7 or so % of all UMC clergies.

I think it’s a good question for me to wrestle with, especially since I am going to start working on my ordination questions.

So, how would you respond to someone (especially a 10 year old) asking you what a pastor is?

10 Years

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During our Lewis Fellows workshop, Lovett Weems shared that it takes about 10 years to develop expertise. (I also heard a stand-up comedian say that it takes about 10 years to find your voice as a comedian.)

But it isn’t just 10 years of sitting around and letting time pass. It’s 10 years of being pushed, challenged, being supported, being held accountable that the person gains expertise.
He talked about a pastor who was moved every 3 years, claimed to have 30 years of experience. But Weems explained that it was more like 3 years of experienced repeated 10 times, because that pastor never learned, never grew, but kept repeating the same 3 year pattern 10 different times…

He explained that great leaders are very good from learning form experience.

That got me thinking about a time long ago, when I was in my mid to late twenties.
I really thought that I knew everything. 3 years removed from 27, I realize that what I had was the raw passion, but lacked in knowledge, and of course experience.
I see my younger friends in ministry thinking like the way I did.
We have the passion, but it’s often not rightfully equipped with the knowledge and experience.
I now understand the importance of the things that happened before my time. The past and tradition is not something to be completely ignored and dismissed. For change to happen, the past needs to be honored and celebrated just as much as the change that is needing to happen.

What I know now is the things I don’t know.
I used to think I knew a lot more than the people around me and the people who went before me. But, really, I know there’s a lot more that I don’t know.
And at the young age of 30, I can’t confuse my passion for certain things as expertise in that area.

My seminary professor once prayed, “Humble us where we are strong, and equip us where we are weak.”
I think that’s a good prayer for me to pray as I continue to learn and grow as a pastor.