Tag Archives: transition

So… Now What?

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So that happened this weekend.

It was an end of a long, often frustrating journey that began in 2007 and a journey I often blogged about. (I just realized I’m almost tall as the Bishop kneeling… but I digress). Each time I was continued (read: didn’t pass/failed) I wondered why I was going through all this and contemplated pursuing ordination elsewhere. This year, I entered the process for what I really believed would be the last time. I resolved that I would always be Wesleyan at heart no matter where I ended up and more importantly, I firmly believed that God had called me into ministry and that can take place anywhere, even if it meant outside of the UMC.

Maybe it was all in my head, but this time, the exams and interviews weren’t as draining as they were in the previous 2 years. And you know what they say, 3rd time is a charm. Or whatever.

I understand that when I was eligible for full connection, I entered the process very angry and with a huge chip on my shoulder accompanied by an air of arrogance and an ego the size of … something big. (I’m tired… )

I entered the first year of examinations with a closed fist ready to fight. I entered this year’s examination with open hands and heart, not in the sense that I was willing to really “listen” to what the Board of Ordained Ministry had to say and sell my soul for their acceptance (not that that’s ever the case), but in the sense I turned everything over to God and said, “Where you lead, I will go.”

During my commissioned years, I joked (read: threatened) that when I finally get ordained, I’m going to no longer hold back my words, but instead, say everything that has eaten at my heart since I started this journey in 2007. Everything that I saw wrong with our system and our methodology, I was going to vocalize it, maybe through this blog, maybe through emails, maybe to people who would be willing to listen. I had a lot on my chest, and I couldn’t wait to get that weight off my mind.

So. Now that it’s all said and done and I’m ordained, well… I have nothing to say. Well, no, more truthfully, I have nothing constructive to say.

Sure, we know that our church is broken. Anyone who steps into a UM church can see that something may be wrong. We’re not as big and strong as we used to be. We insiders know that our system and methodology is flawed and a lot of it, broken.

There’s no point of beating a dead horse with a stick.

And I sure as hell don’t want to be “THAT GUY” who does nothing but criticizes his ‘employer’ but isn’t willing to do anything about it.

Instead, I’m filled with gratitude. I’m thankful for all the people who helped me along this long journey. From all the mentors I had to my senior pastors to all the lay folks who encouraged me and then were so excited for me that I (finally) passed, to the ‘unofficial’ mentors, to my friends and colleagues who let me bitch about things and gave me solid words of comfort, advice and critique, to my family, and especially to my wife, who really … well, I know that I couldn’t have gotten through any of it without her. She saw it all. The anger, the frustrations, the lows, the ups… she encouraged me when I needed, scolded me when that was needed, pushed me, made sure I was sharply dressed for my interviews… she kept me sane in moments where I wanted to bounce off walls. Or more truthfully, bounce other people’s heads off walls.

And of course, I’m humbled that God would still call me into ministry; that for some reason, God has faith in me to lead His people.

In the end, words are cheap. Any Joe the Plumber can host a blog and point out everything wrong with the world today.

So really, the time has come for me to do more than just talk.

Come July, I no longer have the safety net of the Senior Pastor covering my ass. As someone said, “You won’t have a higher pay check to defer to” which has been my favorite thing to do as an associate pastor.

As the days approach closer, the butterflies in my stomach grow bigger. At times I feel inadequate. Other times I feel ill-equipped, to the fault of no one. I mean, all the books and classes in the world can’t fully prepare you for the real life thing. Experience has always been the best (and often cruelest) teacher. We learn as we go. Mistakes will be made. But one hopes that we learn from our mistakes and that it propels us forward instead of chaining us inside a cage of fear, insecurity and/or indecision.

And of course, I’m excited. I’m excited to see what God has plans for me and St. Mark.

I’m excited to go back to where I lived as an early teenager.

I find peace in the midst of my anxiety and excitement in the faith and knowledge that God has truly called me to this church, and that God has a plan for me and for the church– that all of this is God’s plan for this part of my life.

And I come in without too much greed in the sense that I want to go and add numbers to our pew. Instead, my hopes and dreams is to be a place where transformation through faith, grace and love happens. I don’t have desires to become one of the biggest churches in our city and our conference. But I have a deep desire in being a relevant and effective church that works with its community to bring transformation through God’s message of hope, love and grace. Simply put, my hope and prayer is to “make disciples for the transformation of the world.”

Now that I have the “freedom” to say anything I want without the fear of someone on the BOOM being angry with me, it’s funny that I don’t want to say anything without any warrant. Past Me might be a little annoyed with Present Me…

My wife, a few years ago, got me this art thing and hung it in my office so that I would see it everyday as I sit in front of my desk. It’s a often quoted quote from Gandhi: You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

What a fitting quote for the start of this new chapter in my life.

Things I Won’t Miss

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Now, now don’t get the wrong idea. Moving is just as difficult (if not more) for the clergy and clergy’s family than the congregation. I say “if not more” because the congregation only has to say good by to, in our case, just the two of us– my wife and myself. Us, on the other hand, have to say goodbye to the entire church and the community that we lived in for the past 2.5 years. I’m actually going to really miss the Starbucks staff here at Valencia.

So, it’s a given that we’re going to miss people, places and things here in Valencia. But to make the move a bit easier for me, I started making a list of things that I wouldn’t really miss.

For starters, I’m not going to miss the summer weather of 2012 here in Valencia. We had a really warm winter and I know that the summer here is going to be crazy hot. There have been days that seemed to give us a mild preview of what summer will be like. I’m glad that I get to spend the summer in the nice, cool beach weather of Santa Barbara.

The other thing, hands down, I won’t miss is the apartment life. It wasn’t all that bad… but you know, neighbors make or break apartment life. We didn’t have bad neighbors upstairs, but they were really loud. Never intentionally. They had a dog the size of a sedan. And we could hear him running around the apartment. They would vacuum nearly everyday, I assume because of the dog hair, at odd hours of the day. We’d find dog hair all over our patio area and in my wife’s herbs and tomatoes. We won’t have to deal with the neighbor’s TV being on so loud that we couldn’t hear ours. Again, I’m just assuming it was loud because their hearing wasn’t what it used to be, and that they weren’t being jerks.

I won’t miss all the parking that we have to share, especially the humongous pick-up truck that would occasionally park right next to our car making it difficult to get in or out.

That’s pretty much it.

Yesterday was my second to the last Sunday here at the church. It’s getting more and more real that we’re moving.

People have been asking if I’m excited about moving. And yea, we’re both extremely excited. But, it’s a huge bag of mixed emotions. I can’t speak for my wife, but for me, I know I’m really excited. I’m also sad to be leaving this community behind. I’m also very anxious and nervous. Worried, is a given. So, it’s easier to not really think about it, when I don’t have to.

Thankfully, the next few weeks are going to be intense and hectic. I won’t have too much time to be consumed in my thoughts.

My Transition (New Appointment)

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For a little while, I wanted to title all of my blog posts starting with a “My” a la one of my favorite shows, Scrubs. But that’s neither here nor there.

This past Sunday, I announced that I will be serving St. Mark United Methodist Church in Santa Barbara, effective July 1.

It’s truly bittersweet. I have loved being part of Valencia UMC for the past two and a half years. I am really excited for what this church has visioned for the next few years. But, at the same time, I know that it’s time for me to move on.

While I still have a heart and passion for youth and youth ministry, I think I’m at a chapter in my life where I no longer want to be the “youth guy.” There are other aspects of ministry that I want to explore and experience and I think St. Mark is that place where I can further explore my call as a UMC pastor.

As saddened as we are leaving this church family, both my wife and I are 100% certain that this is God’s plan for us. So we are encouraged by our faith and hopeful that God will do great things through us in Santa Barbara.

On top of that, I am already familiar with St. Mark UMC, at least with their campus. 20 years ago, my dad started a Korean church on St. Mark’s campus. So from the age of 11-16, I was part of the youth ministry at St. Mark where this great guy named, Doug was the youth director. It is a sort of homecoming for me.

And, when we lived in Santa Barbara, my grandparents lived near Pomona, and we would frequently make that drive down to see my grandparents. My parents now live near Pomona. And, when we have kids, my kids will make that same drive down to see their grandparents.

I am excited for the move. I think I’ll get a bit more nervous and anxious as the days progress. I have no idea what’s in store for us in Santa Barbara. But I know that God will be with us with every single step that we take.

So, we’ll have to start packing soon. It’s always a weird feeling packing, especially the office. There’s this sense of sadness and a heaviness within the heart mixed with a sense of excitement and nervousness.

It’s been a blessed 2.5 years here at Valencia. And we are grateful for the lessons that we have learned and the friendships we have formed here.

I think it’s safe to say that transition is going to be a theme of many posts this upcoming month.

I’m looking forward to a great and crazy and memorable month of June.

Here we go.