Dear God, I am Sorry

*sigh*
I’m sorry. My words and promises really mean nothing.
But God, you know my heart and I have every intention to fulfill my promise to you. I just can’t do it here in Hawaii.
I feel like such a loser for continuing to postpone and delay and push back my promise to give you 20 days in fasting and prayer.
But, with a very good chance of being commissioned and appointed else where, I can’t take 30 days away from the current church. They need every single day I can give them to prepare for the future. I figured you’d know that since more than one person told me to wait until I know where I am going.
As my dad said, “new title, new senior pastor, new church, those reason would be great to go in prayer.”
I think I’ll have to listen to my dad.
I feel like a loser. I feel you think I’ll never do it. I know people around me are thinking that, but God I don’t care, and I never have cared, what other people think. Although, that’s not always a good quality I have.

Though I feel like these words have no weight, I promise you that I’ll do this. My dad suggested three months into the appointment, I should go and do this. I think that is what I’ll do.
Lord, please put people in my life to hold me accountable to this. My wife will make sure I’ll get it done.
And I do want to do this. For you. For me. For my family.
I should have listened to you when you first told me to do this. I put it off ignoring you. I tried to bargain with you.
But that would have been the time to do it.
Now, I say I’ll do it, and circumstances keep forcing me to change and delay and push back.
But Lord, you know  my heart. You’ve searched my heart. So you know that I really feel called to do this, and that I will do this.
I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you in the first place. All this could’ve been avoided if I had just obeyed.

This will happen. And I know that when I do this, you will carry me through. And my relationship with you will be even stronger and greater. Lord, I really am looking forward to this time with you. It sounds odd when I think about it, but I am looking forward to it.  It will happen.

Thank you for still loving me. And thank you for holding on to me and never letting go, regardless of how much I screw up. Thank you for having faith in me, even though I am who I am.

3 thoughts on “Dear God, I am Sorry

  1. for what its worth, my perception is that you have had a very full plate and you are serious about doing this, and i believe that you will when you can set aside the time. it just feels like you are beating yourself up a bit, just wanted to remind you that you are deeply loved, and don’t forget about God’s grace! blessings bro.

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