“For I know the plans I have for you…”
This is the worst part of the whole candidacy/ordination process. The wait.
You spend months on your papers to meet the deadlines and now your ‘fate’ is in the hands of 6 people who will read your paper to see if you will be moving onto the interview stage. We don’t find out until sometime in January.
I wish I could put the thoughts on the back burner, but really, I think about my papers every single day. Especially because this time, I choose to be completely honest and open about everything Cal-Pac. I held nothing back and as much stress and anxiety that was balled up in writing these papers, there were bits of cathartic moments in the writing process.
The funny thing is, about 4-5 years ago, I didn’t even want to go through the process. I loved youth ministry. I loved working with the kids. I loved to see kids be passionate about God and God’s mission. I thought to myself, why would I go through all this trouble, when I simply want to do youth ministry all my life?
Luckily, a couple of people really talked me into going through the process. If anything, I can still do youth ministry, if that’s where my heart and calling is, after I’m ordained.
I’m glad that I listened and took everyone’s advice.
4 years later, I see myself wanting to do more than youth ministry. I want to be supportive of youth ministry wherever I go, but I don’t want to be immersed in youth ministry, as I thought I did 4 years ago. I had plans for myself. But in the end, those were plans that I desired and wanted for me, and not really God’s plans.
God has a plan for me, and I’m still on the road of discovering what that is. It’s been exciting, frustrating, joyful, painful and every other emotion you can possibly think of.
So I wait to see what God has plan for me at this stage of my life.
But I am aware that planning for my own futures and chasing after my personal dreams may not always be what God has in store for me.
Life is better when I just leave all that stuff to God, and just go wherever I may be sent.
Life is better that way, but living life that way… well… it’s easier said than done, no?