It’s always this fine line that we walk on.
I think I’ve shared earlier in my blog that I don’t like when people compliment me on my sermons.
Well, let me rephrase that, I don’t know what to say when people compliment me on my sermons.
I usually have this weird nervous laugh and just say thank you. But it feels so weird, because, I feel like I’m taking credit for something that’s not completely mine. A lot of reading from others in the Christian Community have a take in my sermons. And most importantly, it’s God. There are times when I’m reading a passage in random and BOOM, something clicks and my heart burns and I know that God’s saying this needs to be said. Other times, it’s a process of just talking to God and reading the Word and something takes form. Rarely (and hasn’t happened since seminary) I wake up on Sunday morning and say, Oh Lord PLEEEEAAASSEEEEE!
I’m always concerned that I’m going to make this about me. The sad thing is, sometimes I’m so consumed about this fear about making it about me, I end up making it about me. Does that make sense? It does to me.
Another area I struggled with this was during leading praise.
I wouldn’t qualify myself as a Musician, but I think I’m comfortable in saying that I’m a worship leader. I think God did that on purpose. If I were talented in the music area, say like my younger brother, then I think I’d be in a world of trouble. It’s amazing how easy it is to make worship Me-Focused as a praise band member or someone who is up there in front of the congregation. I disliked it when my praise members would use words like “audience” or “performance” when they were talking about praise. I also disliked it when my kids used to think that praise IS worship, which then slowly leads into the thinking without them (the praise band) worship is not possible.
I’m always uncomfortable of churches who uses cameras do close ups of worship leaders during worship.
I do like Dan Kimball’s idea of putting the praise band in the back of the church where no one can really see them. I think that’ll put a lot of egos in check.
These thoughts entered my mind after reading an article about worship on relevantmagazine.com.
And these are things I struggle with a lot, if not everyday. Maybe this is something that others don’t have a problem with at all, but like I said earlier, sometimes it consumes me that it gets in the way.
So if you ever run into me in person, and you compliment me on something church/God-related, please don’t get offended if I respond to you awkwardly. Or come off as aloof. I honestly don’t know how to respond. And it’s just a good thing to know that I’m naturally awkward.
But I don’t think it would hurt anyone to constantly remind ourselves that it’s not about us.
That this life we live, is not ours, but God’s.
Maybe if we remind ourselves more and more/over and over that it’s all about God and never about us, our attitudes, hearts and lives will begin to change a bit. For the better.