The Blog’s Good for My Mind, but the Journal is Good for My Soul…

I like updating my blog because it gives me a venue to share my thoughts, ideas, observations among other things (granted, no one asked me to share these things…).

It also helps continue thoughts that I couldn’t share in a sermon because it would take too much time and focus away from the heart of the message.

And well, honestly, it’s nice to have a soap box to stand on, even if no one’s around to hear the opinions coming from the one standing on this soap box. It’s just nice to know there is one.

And it’s been an interesting journey for me, blogging. I’ve had many since my college days, starting with Xanga. Then I moved on to blogspot and started many different types of blogs (the best one being a bit exaggerated sagas of my personal life). Then in 2006, I started this one, with the intent that it was going to reflect who I am as a person, a child of God and as a pastor.

Over the years, I’ve had some decent post, but mostly some hodgepodge of thoughts that were okay at best.
I’ve had interesting comments made by people, some that I had to delete. One person called me out on my “inappropriate” language on this blog, especially since I’m a pastor, to which I simply replied, “uh… you don’t have to read my blog…”

Overall, I really enjoy blogging. And yea, maybe it often serves as a small ego boost here and there.
I wish I could provide solid content without the grammatical errors that drive my wife (and perhaps you) crazy mad. Meh, I’d be content with solid content.

However, since a very young age, at the suggestion (read: command) of my parents, I kept a journal.
The early entries started out with, “Today was a bad day. Mom made me clean my room. I just want to play outside. She’s Mom, why can’t she clean my room? I have better things to do. If she wants it clean, I think she should clean instead of making me. I’m happy with the way my room is.” and (thankfully) the entries got deeper as I matured.

Oh, I also once discovered that my parents were reading my journal, so I kept a dummy journal out in the open, but kept the real journal hidden where I could write things like what I just shared with you without the fear of repercussions.

Whereas the blog may be where I share intellectual thoughts, the journal is where I pour my soul into. It’s filled with joy, anger, praise, worry, anxiety, discontent, unhappiness, frustration, complaints, hopes, fears, mundane thoughts and descriptions…
I write about my day, where I am spiritually, where I’m lacking, where I need to start lacking…
I complain about things and people in church, and yes, I use real names so that years from now I can still hold a grudge against you. (Kidding.) If someone were to obtain this, I think it could jeopardize my job at the Church (that’s right, not just my local church but the Church church).

I like going back and reading my entries.
At times I’m thoroughly embarrassed of my reactions and interpretations of certain events. Being years removed and able to see what I wrote without highly charged emotions, I can say “Yea… I totally overreacted.”

At times, I’m (and please hear [er… read] me without thinking I’m arrogant) rather pleased with myself with how I handled a situation or interpreted certain actions of people and say, “Yea… I’d handle it the same way today.”

There are times where I see that I’ve come a long way and other times where I realized I haven’t changed at all. There are times where I see that certain scars are (surprisingly) still there and I still need to work on healing them. The writing also has served as therapy or as the necessary buffer before responding to someone (given that I have time between events and confrontation). Writing out my honest-to-God feelings and emotions help me (most of the times) to get most of the strong emotions out of the way and approach the situation with a cooler head.

I think every pastor, nay every person, should keep a daily journal.
For me, keeping a journal has helped me mature and grow. It has helped me to get to know myself a little bit more, as strange as that may sound.
It’s good to know how I handled past situations to help me deal with current situations. It’s rewarding to see how I have grown and eye-opening to see where I still need to work on. And it’s fun to see my past-self from the eyes of my current-self.

Now, if anyone were to find my journal… I think I’d be in trouble…

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