long story short: my wife bought me this bag for like my 30th birthday. it broke once, they sent me a new one. the same problem occurred with the replacement, and this time, they said there wasn’t much they could do about it. I actually really do like this product, so without any hope of a resolution that favors me, I sent the following email, hoping for the best.

Dear RJ,
I’ve been meaning to get back to you. This is regarding the Bag of Holding, which I want to restate, I absolutely heart.
It’s perfect for me to carry around my macbook, iPad and some Christian/church stuff that I need when I go to my real office (read: Starbucks). It also allows ample room to carry around my headphones and this awesome pencil case that my wife lets me use. (picture attached). I’ve grown to love it. Yes, I know it’s various shades of pink. And yes, if you can tell, that’s a butterfly at the end of the pencil case. You can’t get anymore Korean than that. I’m comfortable in my masculinity to carry around such a case. But I digress.

After our last exchange of emails, which were in September, to be honest, I was left unhappy. I was stuck with a bag that I couldn’t use and the only help that I got was “go check out this youtube video.”
I told myself, eventually, I will go and check that out.
Btw, I feel like this might become a story. I apologize in advance of wasting your precious time.

But, the Fall hit. Then Thanksgiving. And if you may not know, Thanksgiving to Christmas time is a crazy, crazy time for us pastors. I don’t know, I guess something that has to do with the Savior being born, blah blah blah. (I kid… I don’t want to be struck by lightening… if God’s into that stuff… which at this point, you may be asking… “aren’t you a pastor? shouldn’t you know?” Well, I don’t. And don’t listen to people who claim they do.)

So, things got so busy, I wasn’t able to quickly act upon your suggestion from our last exchange of emails.
I did, however, since I needed something transport the load of crap (er… and my Bible and God stuff…) from home to office to my other office (Starbucks) dig up an old backpack to serve as a transitional bag. It’s a Dakine bag that a bunch of whiney, sweaty, smelly and entitled teenagers got for me for my birthday in 2007. They were my former youth kids, and despite how I just described them, I love them deeply. Well, sort of. Most of them. Some of them. No, no all of them. I love all of them. Yes.

So for 3-4 months, I’ve lugged things around in that backpack. Now, I don’t know if you can tell by my picture, if you looked at it… I’m actually 31 years old. But… I look like I’m 17. Carrying that Dakine backpack… which is your traditional, two straps over both shoulders type of backpack… people begin to think that I was a student. I don’t mind looking young, but I don’t want to get carded for wanting to watch a rated-R movie or get hassled when (very once in a while) I want to just hangout with my wife with perhaps an adult beverage (read: root beer for some). It also begin to bug my wife a bit, because they would card me and not her… I reassured her that since they saw my ID and saw that I was 31, they may figured she was around my age… I don’t think she quite bought it.

The other side to that is, my father recently suggested that I go buy a “grownup” briefcase, because I’m 31 years old. So, my wife and I went around shopping for a grownup’s briefcase. Like a leather messenger bag. We found one that we both liked… I think it was made by Kenneth Cole… two problems. 1) it was expensive. I mean, it was cheaper than the other bags… but I couldn’t just justify spending $120 on a bag. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but pastors usually don’t make bank. Unless they’re stealing from the church or written a New York Times Bestseller. I have done neither. Yet.

2) It was just a too big of a step. Yes, I don’t want to look like I’m in high school or a recent high school graduate, but committing to a leather briefcase made me feel like I’d have to start actually acting my age. Or looking my age. Which means no more wearing a bunch of t-shirts that my wife got from thinkgeek. Or reading graphic novels in public. Or admitting to anyone that I still occasionally watch Monday Night Raw. Oh, who am I kidding? I try to catch it every week… Did you know that Chris Jericho’s back? Oh. You don’t know who that is? Neither do I…

So for the past 3 months, I’ve been carrying around my books and equipment in the Dakine backpack that my lovely former youth students got me. I don’t think I’m much of a sweater, but I often walk from church office to Starbucks (which is a 5-7 minute walk) but at the end of the walks, I’d have this sweat spot from the backpack. It can be rather embarrassing.

Needless to say, I ashamedly miss your product.
So the other day, I brought it out and went to the youtube site that you sent me on how to fix the zippers. The youtube link that you gave me did not necessarily pertain to my situation. The zipper on my bag has not fallen off nor has it been damaged. So, I youtubed other various videos on zippers. (You can find anything on youtube…). I spent an hour trying to fix that zipper. An hour. RJ, like you, I’m a busy man. Okay, fine. I’m more of a “look busy so no one bothers you” type of man.

But the end result of the research is that I have a Bag of Holding that still has a non-functioning zipper.
And, now I’m truly at a lost.
I love the bag, especially that it can hold stuff. And lots of it.

More importantly, it’s a gift that was given to me, not by just anyone, but by my wife. And everything my wife gives me, I hold dear, as evidenced by the pink, butterfly pencil case I take with me everywhere. Having stuff she gives me accompany me everywhere I go is, in a sense, a way for her presence to be with me everywhere I am. Or more importantly, a reminder to behave and not embarrass her.

Anyway, RJ, I shared with you in the last email that I know I’m way past your return policy. I’m sending you this email as a desperate hail mary heave. “What can hurt by asking?” my wife always says. Well, for starters, my pride when people like you end up rejecting me and my requests.

But in all seriousness, I hope that something can be done. I do love your Bag of Holding and all of the products that people get me. Your catalogs serve as a great bathroom reader. (TMI? My bad…)

I’ll be waiting for your response.
Sorry that this email got a little long. Thanks for your time, RJ, sincerely.
I hope to hear from you soon!