February 5, 2011

This was my entry in my journal on February 5, 2011, the day I found out that I didn’t pass my ordination interviews with the BOOM (Board of Ordained Ministry):

Set backs. Disappointments. They’re part of life. And growing.
To think I’d be exempt from set backs is a bit ridiculous.
I bombed my interviews. Another year of all this.
But. There is no reason to be angry or bitter. That won’t do anything. Won’t change anything. I just have to trust in God.
There are reasons why.
God is still saying, “not yet.” Why? … I’m sure as I grow, I’ll learn.

I’m handling everything with much grace as I possibly can. I need to. People around me are upset. I appreciate that. But I don’t want to join in their frustrations. Because, ultimately, in the end, it was me that didn’t do what needed to be done.
While I’m certain that I don’t have ADHD, I can work on showing that I can focus, that I know how to behave and next time I’ll take a breath here and there.

It stings. But, it’s another growing point. I just need to go from this place with my eyes and hearts fixed and focused on Christ.

Yea, I’m annoyed as hell that some people passed and not me. But, I have to stop asking “why not me?” and just focus on my gifts and focus on God’s plan for me and what God is doing through me. 

Guess it just wasn’t meant to be this year.
So. Here we go again.
I’m done fretting over it.
I’m affirmed of God’s call by God’s presence in my life and the presence of other people.

So, gonna dust my shoulders off, and press on towards.

…next year…  

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