The Man With the Big Orange Head

There was a gentleman who was in town on business.

After dinner, he decided to skip the hotel bar and instead, head to the nearest bar from his hotel. Fortunately, he found a bar about 2 blocks from the hotel. He walked in and proceeded straight to the bar.

He was greeted warmly by the bartender and ordered himself a nice tall glass of beer. As he slowly sipped his beer, he looked around the bar to gauge the clientele.

The bar was fairly empty but something caught his eye.

In the corner of the bar was a man drinking by himself. What caught his eye wasn't the fact that this man was also drinking by himself, but that this man had a big orange head.

He turned to the bartender and asked, “Hey. What's the story on that guy?”

“What guy?” the bartender asked.

“You know. The guy in the corner… the one you know.. the one with .. *ahem* the big orange head?”

“Oh that guy. Yea. He has an interesting story. Maybe if you buy him a drink, he'll tell you.”

So the Traveler made his way to the corner of the bar, and trying not to directly stare at the big orange head, he asked, “Hey, can I buy the next round for you?”

The Man in the Corner responded, “Sure. Come have a seat.”

The bartender delivered the men their drinks.

As the man in the corner began taking a sip, he asked, “You're probably wondering about my head.”

“Well. I mean, yea. Of course. But, if you don't want to talk about it, I perfectly understand.”

“No I don't mind. Would you like to hear the story?”

“Yes! Please!”

“Well. The story begins when I was vacationing on an island somewhere in the Pacific. I was just taking a nice stroll on the beach taking in the beautiful, beautiful sight. The sky was blue as the water, and you couldn't see where the water ended and the sky began,” he sighed and took another sip of his beer, taking in the beauty of this memory along with his beer. “Yea. And. The women. Wow. Beautiful place. Anyway, you don't care about that. So, I was walking not really paying attention to my surroundings, when I stubbed my toe on something hard. After the pain and the cursing that accompanied the pain waned, I looked down to see what on earth caught my toe. I was fully expecting to see a rock, but instead, it was… gold. I dug it out of the sand to see what on earth it was. It looked like a gravy boat or something. As I was dusting and brushing the sand off this thing, it started to shake violently. Scared, I dropped it not knowing what the heck was happening. Then, I kid you not, appeared this big genie. 'You've released me from my 10,000 year captivity. For this, I will grant you 3 wishes.”

The Man in the Corner paused and gently shook his head, as if he could not believe what he was saying.

“So, I figured, why the heck not? Let me see if this is real. So, for my first wish, I wished for what most people would wish for. I wished to be a wealthy man. Instantly, my wallet felt heavy and my pockets were filling up with, what I guess was money. My clothes begin to change. I don't know what material I was wearing, but I knew it was something I could not previously afford. It was softer than silk. It felt great. Then I saw this rolex watch just instantly appear on my wrist. I reached into my pocket to see what was filling up in there. I pulled out a couple of sheets of paper. One was a deed to a mansion near Malibu, CA. The rest of the paperwork were bank statements of accounts in various foreign places. I was now a multi-multi millionaire. I couldn't believe it! I couldn't wait to head to Malibu to see my new mansion. 'You now have 2 wishes remaining' the Genie says to me. So, without thinking, I wished for a beautiful woman to be my wife. As soon as those words left my mouth came a gush of wind. The ocean started to part, and out walks this gorgeous, and I mean gorgeous woman who started making her way towards me. She gave me a smile that literally made me weak in my knees. I buckled and who I thought was the genie caught me. Except it wasn't him. It was a man dressed as a priest. When she came next to me, he married us. And *boom* here I was married to the most beautiful woman in the world. I couldn't believe my luck; my fortune!”

He stopped, shaking his head again, as if the story was still too good to be true. He took a deep sigh.

“So, what happened next?” asked the Traveler. “I mean, your first 2 wishes worked out great! What led to … you know… your … situation?”

“Yea. I was now a wealthy man. And a husband of a beautiful wife. But, now, listen. I think this is where I went wrong.” He paused, maybe to build up anticipation. Maybe to take another sip. But the anticipation felt like it was going to explode the heart of the Traveler. However the Man in the Corner took his sweet time, as if he was carefully crafting the words he was going to say next.

“As I was saying, I think this is where everything went wrong. For my third wish….” the man's voice trailed off. He looked away as his eyes began to moistened. He cleared his throat and took another sip of his beer.

“Yea? Your third wish?” asked the Traveler.

“Yea. Sorry. As I was saying, I think this is where I screwed up. For my 3rd wish, I wished for a big orange head.”


The End.

I wish I could see the hate and annoyance that is written all over your face. But please don't hold it against me.

Have a blessed day.

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