If You’re Gonna Lie, Put Some Effort Into It, Man

Okay. You shouldn't lie, because it's one of the Commandments.

But, all I am saying is, if you are going to go through the trouble of lying, put some effort into it so that I'll at least, even for a second, believe you.

Case in point:

My wife got me a BBQ grill for my birthday.

I read somewhere that a man needs to grill. I want to be a man. So, in my wife's attempt to make me one step closer to being a man's man, she bought me a grill.

And being the man's man that I am, I decided to have Home Depot (where she bought the grill) to go ahead and assemble the grill — because they were going to do it for free.

Well. Almost a month passed and we had no idea what the deal with the grill was.

I finally called to check on the status (they were supposed to give us a call to pick it up) and they had no record of the grill being in their possession.


So, I told them that we'd stop by the following day with the receipts and everything and figure out this deal in person.

And so we went to Home Depot the following day.

The supervisor said that she thought she saw a grill in the back, and was pretty sure that it was ours. She sent one of the worker's to go check on it.

When he came back, he said that our grill was back there, but it was missing a few screws.

Why would it be missing a few screws? I mean, we bought it brand new. But, now the manager came and assured us that it's not too terrible of a deal and that the screws can and will be found.

My wife said, “You're not giving us the display model are you?”

To which the manager replied, “No, no. We wouldn't give you the display model!”

He told us to hang tight and that they'll bring it out to us.

I took a look around the grill section and found it very, very, odd — extremely, suspiciously odd — that out of all the grills that were displayed, our model was missing from the display of the grill. It's model number, features, and price were still displayed, but the grill was gone.


After what felt like an eternity (probably half an hour) the grill finally came rolling out.

You'd have to be BLIND to not see that it was the display.

The wheels were CAKED with a year's worth of dust and dirt.

There were dings and scratches.

The stickers were peeling off.

The warning label was a tad bit faded.

And here's the kicker: They left the plastic tag holder on the grill. You know, the thing that tells you the features and price of the grill. I mean, they took the effort to take out the paper in the plastic tag holder, but left the holder on the grill.

Now tell me: Why on EARTH would a new grill — straight from the box — have the plastic tag holder affixed to it that ALL the other display models had?

I mean, with the adamant declaration from the manager that he would never give me a display — at least put effort into that lie. At the least, take off the damn price tag holder!

I can't tell you if I was more offended by their lack of customer service or that they thought I was dumb.

Anyway, you shouldn't lie. But if you choose to lie, put some effort into it.

I'll find other ways to continue to earn man cards on my way to a fully realized manhood.

Until then, in the words of Britney Spears, “I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s