I’ve been productive.

And have been enjoying exploring parts of Seattle.

I got to catch up with a former seminarian and one of my favorite professors when I was attending Wesley Theological Seminary.

I got to meet with one of the staff members at Quest Church and got a tour of the building and hearing things that they are doing.

And coffee. There’s been a lot of coffee.

My tour guide and driver has been a former student from Hawaii, Dae, who’ll be attending Seattle Pacific Seminary. I got to meet his roommate who’s from Iowa. I feel good about the next generation wave of pastors rising up. And conversations with kids 10 years younger than me have helped me glean some insights, mostly about myself and my calling.

In my reading; prepping; studying; planning; praying; discerning I feel two particular burdens being placed in my heart. I don’t want to quite spell it out here yet, because I don’t want to be held accountable for them. I’m not quite ready to share what I want feel called to do. It’s something I’ve been putting off for a while with reasons and excuses. But I am running out of excuses and running out of reasons.

Though it doesn’t quite relate, Jesus words to the Church in Ephesus: you have forsaken the love you had at first.

Over and over I’m reminded that, while I am tasked to keep my church focused and moving forward — I need to be mindful of keeping focused and moving forward myself. I need to be led so that I can lead. I need to equipped so that I can equip. I need to be loved so that I can love.

There are lots of things I’m wrestling with — things that I need to wrestle with. And this is good. I only hope to become more useful and more willing to God.