#whyIbelieve: Leona

Before answering the question I want to start off by talking about myself :). I think it was only recently that I discovered that I am sort of a narcissist.

God has appeared into my life countless of times and most of the time I was not able to recognize it till years later or with the help of someone else. I don’t consider most achievements or blessings to be God’s gifts to me. If anything I consider it to be the results of my actions or those around me.

I think I feel or thought this way because I never experienced Him the way others have (By this I mean clear signs, voices, or even physically). I always had to wonder if it was God’s doing or just a coincidence.

I always want answers because I want things to make sense logically. I would love to know why He does certain things. I understand and somewhat agree with the views of the world, but somehow I still believe that God is true. Honestly, I could be an atheist but I’m not. That was kind of dramatic… but I can’t find any other words. Anyways, I love to question God even if I shouldn’t, but I feel questioning makes our relationship stronger. As much as I want to say I don’t receive the clear signs of blessings that God gives out to others, I do. It is clear to me that I have beliefs that are more “worldly” based and could be completely opposite from the bible but my relationship with Him is bullet proof (cliche, I know). Though my thoughts can make me struggle at first no matter where I am in my walk of faith, God is with me and I know God considers me as Daughter. Even if I feel like my questions are going against what I know and believe of Him, I firmly believe that God never lets me go. Even through my doubts and questions, God is still there. And even though the questions may remain unanswered, I do not let go and choose to believe in God. 

And I will always believe. It’s good to dedicate your life in pursuit of something and I have dedicated my life to the greatest source of life: God. I can’t quite explain eloquently, but I believe in God — God is real to me — because He just is. He is alive; He has and always will be there and though that might not be satisfactory to others, it is enough for me.

My heart is attached to God, and I just can’t (and won’t) let go.
Even if my brain can’t make sense of it all or logically explain everything, some mysteries are better left unexplained and I know that as lost as this world may feel at times, I know that there is always hope because of my faith in God.

God has given us freedom to choose to love Him or not. It’s freedom that led humanity to fall. But we are not forced to be some spiritual robots. We get to choose if we want to believe and I feel that to be very generous of God. So, even if I can’t string words together on why I believe in God, I freely choose to be surrounded by God’s love and choose to believe in him because He first chose me and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Leona, originally from Hawaii, currently attends school in Canada. 

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