This Blog is Still Alive pt 2 (It Helps to Breathe)

What an emotional day it was yesterday.

I couldn’t concentrate on anything. All I could do was run through all the possible outcomes from the trial that was pending.

After it was all said and done, the courts decided to terminate the parental rights of the biological parents which opens the gates for us adoption.

I felt relieved.
I felt like I was holding my breath all day long.
It wasn’t until dinner that we got the phone call with the news. And all I could do was let out a long, celebratory breath. The next leg of our journey begins now.

As happy and relieved I felt, there was a part of me that welled with sadness. As much as I didn’t want to think about his biological parents, I couldn’t help but to think about them. Our reason for celebration was their reason for heartbreak. A big part of me kept saying, they had their chances to set things right but just didn’t. And they did have their opportunities.

Maybe that sadness is more for N than the parents. As much as we are his family now, his biological family will have to remain in his memory. He’ll get one more family visit and after that — well it’s up to our discretion how much contact he has with his biological parents.

There’s also a mixture of fear and uncertainty with the relief.
We worry — as any parent is wont to do — of N’s future. We’re doubly worried because of his autism. Will he be functional? Will he be accepted? Will he be a good person? Will he be a productive member of society? Will we screw him up even more than necessary (because let’s face it — no one escapes childhood unscathed by our parents’s craziness)?

But — why worry about tomorrow when today has enough worries as is?

The path of the journey has been set. And now we move forward one step at a time and make the most of each step that we take.

I also wanted to thank everyone who Facebooked/texted/emailed/called us with thoughts of love and support. I hesitated putting the thought on Facebook because it felt too personal and too close to home. As much as I share on FB and this blog — there are certain things that I keep close to my heart and in my own mind.
But I was so anxious and nervous that I just wanted extra thoughts and prayers headed our way — so I posted on Facebook, then on this blog. We were overwhelmed by your love and support and thoughts of prayers. So thank you, friends. It really, really meant a lot.

And I do hope that you’ll continue to keep us in prayer as we move onward and forward.

… and if you want to babysit… we’d receive you with arms wide– wide — open.

 

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