Anotha One

Why is DJ Khalid even a thing????? – Me, and probably many, many others.

Here we go.
Another year that I find myself older than the previous.

Why does this keep happening to me?
It’s hard for me to fathom that, on Sunday, I am 41. Forty. One.
Like, what? As in what happened?

I don’t feel old.
As I’m writing this, I’m listening to Taylor Swift’s version of Red that came out today.
But, I do feel old.
Because, I’m listening to Taylor Swift’s version of Red and I’m thinking, I’m too old to know some of the details of some of the songs.
(Btw. after listening to the 10 min. version of All Too Well, I dislike Jake Gyllenhaal even more…)

I’m finding my body getting sore from the littlest of things.
I find myself getting annoyed with the things Gen Z and younger are doing.
That’s just proof that not only do I feel old, I am old.

I don’t know what we’re supposed to be in our 40’s.
On one hand, I feel like I’m too old to be figuring things out.
But on the other hand, I know one is never to old to be figuring things out.
Self-discovery is an on-going journey.

On one hand, I feel like I should have accomplished a lot more than I already have.
But on the other hand, I know that feeling comes from comparing myself with others. Comparison is always a joy killer.
Yet, still on the other hand… I’d want a 3rd hand to make this joke a reality.

Seriously.
There are moments where I just feel like I’ve not done enough.
I look at where Mosaic is and there are times where I can’t help but feel where it should be.
I look at my life and where I am at and there are times where I can’t help but feel where I should be.
But again, that’s trying to live up to a norm — a standard — that’s… I don’t even know whose standards and norms they are. But I know it’s lingering in all of our heads — this “ideal” that we are chasing. Which isn’t a bad thing. We should have something we’re chasing after. But that ideal can be a barrier to growth if we constantly feel that it’s perpetually unattainable.
The only thing I can do; the only thing I can control is to do and be better than I was yesterday; to be more loving than I was yesterday.

Anyway. 41.
My life is nowhere where I thought I’d be at this juncture of life.
But all the unexpected detours and traffic jams made me who I am today. And I don’t think I’d change any of that.

This past week, my wife had me laughing so hard that for a moment, I thought I couldn’t breathe. My stomach and my lungs were feeling like they were going to burst and yet, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Recently, my son walked up to me and said, “Daddy, you’re a clown.”
Even more recently, we were listening to a kpop song (Red Velvet’s Psycho) where they use the phrase “babo” which means dumb.
I asked him if he knew what babo meant and he said, “It’s Korean.” Fantastic! You know that it’s not English! But what does it mean?
Daddy.
Like what? I couldn’t tell if he was roasting me or what.

My point is, my life is full of laughter. And love. And joy.
It may not be full of accolades; achievements; awards; resume builders; notoriety and recognition. But that’s far more than okay.
I have an abundance of love, laughter, and joy. The things that matter. The things that makes a person whole.
I am incredibly blessed.

So, happy birthday to me.
Here’s to 41!
May it be abundant with love, laughter, and joy.
And may I work on making love, laughter, and joy abundant in other people’s lives.
Here’s to 41!
And to at least 41 more!

… also, f**k Jake Gyllenhaal.

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