Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Decision making is an integral part of being a pastor and a leader.
I just never realized just how much decisions there are that we need to make.
Some are small — like the color of the carpet. I was tempted to say “small and insignificant” but I’ve heard stories where the color of the carpet is far from insignificant.
Some decisions that need to be made are huge and can affect the trajectory of the direction the church is headed.

Sometimes, we make the right decisions.
Sometimes, we will get it oh so wrong. We’re human after all.
All the time — people will get upset, regardless whether you made the right decision or the wrong one.
The extraordinary people will be gracious to the things that they don’t agree with or things that didn’t go their way.
Often, people will choose the petty route and be… well, petty. And if you let their pettiness get to you, you’ll start dying a death by paper cuts.
So you have to be faithful and live with the decisions that you made — and hopefully those decisions came after a time of discernment and prayer. There’s never really a reason to make a decision quick — without taking it to prayer first.

And if I can be honest, I’d just like to take a quick break from having to make any calls that is church/ministry related. But that’s just me complaining.

It’s hard not to wonder if the path that you’re setting your congregation on is the best path. And sure, the fear of failure should be replaced by faith in God. But failures do come at a cost — and sometimes you wonder if the church can absorb the cost of a particular failure. But that’s textbook lack of faith in God and what God is doing.

Of all the decisions and choices that came my way through the office of the pastor — nothing comes close to the decision that has come upon our personal lives.

I’m technically not supposed to be even talking about this in such a public forum. But last February, we took in a little guy to care for him and nurture him and love him for however long it took to return to his parents.

He has been a challenge but he also has been a blessing in our lives. It’s refreshing to see life through the eyes of a 3 year old. Pure joy. Pure love of life. And pure, pure energy. My Lord, the energy in this kid.

At this rate, it is most likely that he will not be returning to his parents (nothing’s official). The social workers have asked us if we have a plan.

And they asked it so nonchalantly. This is a huge decision that will have an impact on the rest of our lives.

So, we don’t have a plan. In fact, I have no idea how to move forward. My wife and I have talked about it and we go back and forth and back and forth.

I just want to make the best decision for all of us.
I certainly do not want to take him in out of guilt or because I pity him or because I don’t trust the next family that will take him. Those are the wrong reasons to make this life-long decision.

And again, if I can be honest — one of the hang ups is that he is a special needs kid — something that both the County and our agency completely neglected to tell us when they placed him with us.

The future does worry me. What would he be like when he’s 9? When he’s 10? When he’s 14? When he’s 17? And please refrain from quoting the scripture to me about worrying. Now’s not the time nor place.

The point of this post is — I never wanted to grow up. I want to go back to a time where the biggest decision I had to make was “Do you wanna play video games or do you wanna go outside and play?”
Talk about escapism, eh?

But, really — if you get a chance, keep us in your prayers and if a decision has to be made, that we will make the best decision.

In the meantime, my focus is to just enjoy the hell out of being a party of 3 and being grateful for the gift that he has been to us.


One thought on “Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

  1. Well, for yourself, do you want to have the life experience of being a parent, or do other things with your time? This is a serious question. Every single child has the potential to be a ‘special needs’ child, at any moment. My stepdaughter got a brain tumor as a pre-K. And now has ‘failure to launch’. She’s 23, has quit her education, chosen to live with undependable people, and we just pray she finds her way. Like any other 23-year-old, honestly…it’s just her details that are different. Do those details count, really? She is not ‘ours’ – she is hers, and her path is hers to find. The ‘mysterious ways’ thing covers a lot. But she made my husband into a different person because he got the experience of fatherhood, and I don’t think he would give that personal growth up. Me, though, I’m giving parenthood a pass. I’m happy being an aunt, and a barely passable stepmother, and one of those Understanding Adults to Other People’s Children, and I have other things I’m called to do. Perhaps later, we’ll decide that we want more than anything to worry about elementary school paperwork, and childhood diseases, and athletic league politics, and will look for a child to help us have those experiences together. But not now, and that’s OK.

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